


promiscuous boy, you already know that i’m all yours, what you waiting for?

by taekwoons



Category: HOTSHOT (Band), Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Cheating, M/M, dan is 25 percent in denial and the rest is literally no guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2018-12-02 04:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11501556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taekwoons/pseuds/taekwoons
Summary: Daniel very well knows how twisted everything is right now. On his bed lays a young man in love with him – very much so, too – snuggled up beneath the blankets as thick as his winter coat, his arms wrapped around Daniel's torso. A relationship of five years already; people would have guessed ‘nothing could possibly go wrong in their relationship’ but when Daniel sees the man whose skin rivals light, eyes as captivating as lust, red lips that either curve into a smile or curl into a smirk – he knows something is wrong already.or: one fine day my brain decided potraying sungwoon as a sly and tricky person would be fun





	1. there's no need for hesitation baby

**Author's Note:**

> i’m very sorry this is all a whole word vomit i don’t even know how it ended up like this ok also i never mentioned it explicitly but Daniel has an age kink here and is lusty af lmao wtf have fun reading now let me burrow a hole and never come out again ok apologies
> 
> also: i made them slightly older than their age since the setting is them being office workers lmaoooo and MANY THANKS TO MY NO.1 WRITING KING [1roomdisco](http://archiveofourown.org/users/1roomdisco/pseuds/1roomdisco)/[@marks-hyung](http://marks-hyung.tumblr.com/) who gave me takes on sungwoon's character
> 
> also title is taken from the legendary 'promiscuous' song by nelly furtado

Daniel very well knows how twisted everything is right now. On his bed lays a young man in love with him – very much so, too – snuggled up beneath the blankets as thick as his winter coat, his arms wrapped around Daniel's torso. A relationship of five years already; people would have guessed ‘nothing could possibly go wrong in their relationship’ but when Daniel sees the man whose skin rivals light, eyes as captivating as lust, red lips that either curve into a smile or curl into a smirk – he knows something is wrong already.

 _It's a mistake, it's a mistake, you're a mistake_ , Daniel repeats to himself as he drags his feet to the kitchen after Seongwoo fell asleep. He can't even bear to listen to the sound of his lover softly snoring in the background. Everything seems to be suffocating, nothing seems to work in his way, and when he shuts his eyes to calm down all he could see is not the sparkle of the eyes he has been familiar with for the past five years, rather it was the slanted eyes that holds his heart in his hands.

(And at the back of his mind lies a thought haunting him: _Do you still consider him your lover?_ )

 

 

“Sung–”

 _Woon_ , his mind continues. Daniel pinches himself before he says the wrong name out loud. It’s easy to mistake Seongwoo’s name as Sungwoon with how similar their name is with just a single ‘n’ to differentiate them; sometimes he finds himself curling his tongue to form out the ‘n’ before either stopping halfway or unconsciously slapping his lips with his hand.

“Hmm?” Seongwoo hums in response even though Daniel never said his name fully. If he notices the pinch Daniel did to himself, he says nothing to acknowledge it.

“N-Nothing, I kind of forgot what I wanted to say and it’s not that important anyway.”

Seongwoo snickers at him and Daniel’s heart lunges to his stomach.

 

 

It first began when Daniel happened to be in the pantry at a random time of the day to take a break, eyes bloodshot, head too dizzy from staring at his laptop screen for far too long. He is just there seated, staring at the green patch on the wall of the pantry to try and clear his mind off the endless data invading his limited brain memory.

He briefly registers the presence of another office worker being there with him, stirring into a cup of coffee it seems – probably feeling as stressed as he is with the way he’s aggressively stirring it – before it happened. As cliché as it seems, someone drops his cup of coffee next to Daniel, and he yelps when it splatters and stains his white shirt; looking like weirdly-placed minuscule brown polka dots.

“God,” Daniel grunts and stands up from his seat, brushing away the ‘polka dots’ as if it would magically disappear.

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” Hands smaller than Daniel’s are hovering above his, trying to help it seems but obviously not even close to it, and Daniel almost lashes out at the person in front of him with how he was already pissed with the amount of work he has to do that day.

“Goodness, I’m really so sorry.” The person bows in apology, his hands clutching each other and squeezing his fingers together, probably nervous from the anger radiating off Daniel.

“It’s okay, really.” Daniel huffs out, straightening his back. “But getting these stains out…”

“I’ll pay for the laundromat,” he immediately offers, raising his head up to look straight into Daniel’s eyes, and that’s when Daniel saw his face.

Daniel is sure he pretty much knows everyone on this level, so seeing an unknown face here in the pantry is surprising to him. He must have been frowning in thought because the person in front of him straightens his coat and bows again. And it’s not often he sees a pretty face around his department.

“Sorry for the unpleasant first impression, but I’m Ha Sungwoon. Nice to meet you, I just got transferred here a few days back.”

 

 

Daniel did not remember how it went on from there, because all he could remember is Sungwoon’s face. It did not help that Sungwoon seems to think that it is an appropriate time to keep talking even as they’re both on the floor trying to clean up the mess he did before and their faces are centimetres apart, and all Daniel could see is how Sungwoon’s slight but taut muscles fill up his shirt to the point his brain dismisses whatever he was saying to him.

“You were saying?” Daniel asks for the third time within the ten minutes that they have been chattering and titters in embarrassment. Stupid brain, stupid eyes, stupid lust.

“Ah sorry, you must have been tired, right?” Sungwoon’s looking at him with those sparkly eyes and what the _fuck_ , how did Daniel not realised the height difference between them two.

“Cute,” Daniel thinks, but his messed-up brain must have caused him to say it out because the previously sparkly eyes are turning into two circles instead.

“Um, I meant yeah! I’m just– guess my brain’s too saturated right now and oh? Is that my supervisor calling for me? Will have to go then! Nice meeting you, Sungwoon! See you again soon!”

Daniel has never sprinted out of the pantry so fast in his life.

 

 

The next time Daniel sees Sungwoon, it’s at a company dinner party.

And that’s when it literally changes everything.

 

 

A few days after what it seems to be the most embarrassing moment of Daniel’s life happened, his level department decides to have a dinner party along with all the sub-departments, which includes Daniel’s. It seems that they’re doing it to welcome the few new transfers, and the moment Daniel hears the name Ha Sungwoon in the same sentence his stomach drops. He promptly opts himself out, giving a lame excuse of how his mother is coming back from Canada, but then Jaehwan is shooting him daggers from across his cubicle, his head jutting out.

“Don’t you _dare_ ,” Jaehwan whispers, threaten lacing his voice. “I fucking helped you the last time, don’t you fucking dare back out now.”

Daniel forgets that he was a dumbass for dragging Jaehwan to attend a stupid company seminar along with him that he was forced to, thus why. The amount of blackmail Jaehwan has on him is scary; he won’t risk it.

 

 

The dinner started out fine, Daniel has secured himself a spot at the most corner of the long-ass table way before the other sub-departments came, along with Jaehwan next to him so it should be safe enough for him. Jaehwan can entertain them with his witty and sarcasm remarks along with his trademark psychotic laugh, and Daniel can just blend himself in with the wall next to him. Yes, indeed, a well thought-out plan. He won’t need to look at that cute face anymore, won’t have to embarrass himself any further, and he can just ignore his existence.

But of course, the said cute face wouldn’t just ignore him.

“Oh, hey! Daniel!” Sungwoon calls out the moment he sees Daniel, and Daniel nearly chokes on his drink.

“You know him?” Jaehwan nudges him. Daniel merely shrugs and plasters on his brightest smile he can ever do at the moment, his stomach churning already, and he can literally hear Jaehwan’s nose flaring in attempt to cover up his snort at how fake he looks right now.

“Oh hey, Sungwoon,” Daniel tries to sound as cheerful as possible, and welcomes him with a handshake that if he isn’t as jittery as he is right now, he would have noticed the slight squeeze Sungwoon did.

And that is just the beginning of torture, because Sungwoon’s then seated in front of him.

 

 

Now, Daniel isn’t sure he wants to thank the lord for Jaehwan or curse the said person as the number one jinx of his life. Because of that psychotic laugh man who came up with drinking games, Sungwoon is very much drunk right now because he pretty much sucks at games, and Daniel don’t know when Sungwoon even did it, but his shirt is unbuttoned twice up and Daniel can very well see those defined collarbones and his reddening chest. He’s blushing a lot too, flushed pretty and pink and if Daniel drank enough alcohol he would be caressing those cheeks by now. Sungwoon’s also getting very giggly and chatty, and it’s not helping that Daniel can see this in full 1080p high definition. Eye candy indeed, but also mind-fucking.

“Okay, okay!” Someone yells out from the other corner of the table, rising up from his seat and clapping his two hands above his head to get everyone’s attention. “Something for our new transfer, Ha Sungwoon! You haven’t mentioned to us your age, so here’s how.”

From the other corner Daniel gulps and chants, _please say he’s younger, please say he’s younger_.

“If you’re older than 25, drink thrice. Otherwise, drink twice.”

It took a while for Sungwoon to actually process it judging by how many times they all have continuously asked him to drink up, and Daniel briefly remembers how he was tortured the same way as well, ended up throwing all over Seongwoo’s shirt and being punished by having to sleep on the couch for a whole 2 weeks.

“Oh. _Ohhhh_ ,” Sungwoon slurs when he finally gets it and picks up the soju bottle to pour himself a shot.

Drinks it all up as everyone cheered. Pours another one again, and dunks another shot.

Daniel can feel the tips of his fingers going very cold because Sungwoon has poured himself another shot but stays there, holding his cup and just smiling at everyone with his eyes closed, too drunk yet still sober enough to tease the motherfucker out of everyone.

When Sungwoon chuckles and raises his cup to dunk it into his system yet again, Daniel can feel the colour draining out of his face.

“Holy fuck,” Daniel curses under his breath because Sungwoon is older than him? Sungwoon is his hyung? Fuck. _Fuck_. He rests his head against the wall and considers breaking through the wall by smashing his head on the wall and either 1) die or 2) die. He burrows his head on Jaehwan’s shoulder instead. This can’t be happening.

 

 

Daniel knows it’s a whole lot of mistake the moment his fellow colleagues forced him to bring Sungwoon back home, practically pushing him into his arms.

“Do me a favour will you! Like how I did for you last year,” His senior says, followed by some ramblings of how taking Daniel back home was a big mess because he couldn’t even differentiate between his hands and his legs, and kept making cat noises at anyone he sees.

And now here he is, in Sungwoon’s apartment, trying to unlatch the body of mess that is the older man clinging onto him for dear life. Every time he manages to take one hand off, another one will start grabbing him back.

“Sungwoon hyung, I have to go,” Daniel says firmly, squeezing Sungwoon’s wrists in an attempt to bring some attention to the very much drunk man in front of him. When it seems like he has gotten some sense in him, Daniel walks off only to be interjected once again.

“Hey… Daniel,” Sungwoon stops Daniel from going by grabbing the sleeve of his shirt.

“Yes, hyung?” As much as Daniel hates to admit it, it really is a pretty image to witness the moment he turned back to face Sungwoon at his calling. More ever with how Sungwoon is seated at his sofa, his hair dishevelled, his chest flushing different shades of red and those lips looks poutier than usual.

But all of a sudden he leaps off the sofa and stands close to Daniel.

“That day… you find me cute?” Sungwoon questions. He grabs the collar of Daniel’s shirt to pull him down to the same level as his, Daniel yelping in the process at the sudden change of attitude, and questions again, “Hmm? You find me cute?”

“Um, hyung, you’re probably really drunk right now.” He attempts to ungrasp the fingers around his collar, but those fingers clench tighter. “I should really go now–”

“Shut up, I know what you’re thinking since that day.”

And Sungwoon literally shuts Daniel up, with his lips that is, with his fingers still tight around his collar. Daniel might have enjoyed it way more than he should have, with the way he drops his bag by his side and proceeds to wander his hands around Sungwoon’s body, sliding them under his shirt and raising goose bumps. Sungwoon’s licking Daniel’s lips and pushes him to the direction of his sofa, and Daniel opens his mouth just as he plops down to the sofa, Sungwoon straddling him soon after.

Sungwoon must have grinded against Daniel because now he’s moaning, “Sung–”

That’s when it hits him.

Seongwoo.

He immediately stiffens, and Sungwoon must have sensed the change of atmosphere because he’s stopping too.

“This is wrong, this is wrong...” Daniel’s shaking his head because what is he doing? Submitting to his desires?

“No… I can’t…” He’s shoving Sungwoon away, getting up to his feet.

“I have someone!” He shouts, more to himself and he stomps out to the door, slamming it after him.

 

 

He reaches home to Seongwoo’s smile greeting him, _Why are you so late, Dan?_ and he immediately runs to the bathroom to puke.

 

 

There is definitely something weird happening between them, Daniel notices, but he could not fully grasp what exactly it is about. Ever since that night.

Sungwoon does not avoid him, rather he sorts of make sure he is always there when others are with Daniel, but promptly leaves when others start leaving too. Is this considered avoiding? Daniel's not too sure, but he does know the older man loves to play around with him.

While Daniel sputters and starts giving incoherent talks and averting his eyes when he is caught staring at Sungwoon, Sungwoon is the exact opposite. When Daniel catches Sungwoon staring at him, he does not waver and instead continues staring into his eyes full-on, all while curling his lips into a smile. Sometimes it seems like Sungwoon is mocking him, the smile looking like a smirk instead and the innocent eyes looking like a lion waiting for its prey to make a wrong move. He will then turn his gaze to his other colleagues when they start a topic concerning him, unfazed, but Daniel knows he's actually watching him at the corner of his eyes.

This has happened a number of times, but Daniel is too much of a coward to actually confront the older man, ever since he begins seeing Sungwoon under him instead of Seongwoo starting from that fateful day, the guilt eating him alive.

It is actually pretty scary to Daniel, how such an innocent-looking guy could be this tricky.

"Hey, Daniel. I'm curious, do you already have someone?" Sungwoon interrupts his train of thoughts one day, and there's that glint in his eyes again, but somehow his smile is kept innocent this time. Maybe it's because of how everyone's attention is literally on them both. Evidence of Sungwoon being sly number 1: He knows the answer yet he still questions it. Or maybe Sungwoon was too drunk that night to take note of Daniel literally shouting out that he has someone. He’s not sure anymore.

"Oh, he does! Five years already, isn’t that amazing?" Jisung replies instead, patting Daniel on his back while he meekly laughs in response. If it ends there and they move on to another topic as per usual, Daniel could have sighed in relief and excused himself to tend to the bundle of mess he is turning into, but of course Sungwoon just had to probe in further. Daniel can literally feel the jeer in Sungwoon's voice as he asked another question.

"Oh really? Why haven't I heard of you talking about him?"

Daniel falls into silence while the others murmurs within themselves and to him himself, somewhere between _Yeah, we haven't heard him rambling about him for a while_ and _Ong Seongwoo, how could we forget his name? Hey Daniel, you still with him?_

Daniel scolds himself for being too open with everyone. Of course, back then, they were practically in their honeymoon phase for the longest of time, probably still in the phase even after 3 years and Daniel just couldn’t shut his mouth up about him.

"Just – well, just kinda worried y'all are tired of me talking about him, that's all." Daniel knows this is such a poor attempt of an excuse, the subtle raise of Sungwoon's eyebrows telling him so, though by the judgement of how his colleagues are diverting the topic to another one, it might be a good excuse after all. But what is sure not diverting away from him is the teasing eyes from across the table.

Daniel can feel his anxiety rising up to his throat, choking him, and he promptly leaves the pantry with the reason of going to the washroom. He doesn't miss the footsteps following after him though, the soft "I'm going too" ringing into his ears.

 

"Why are you following me?" Daniel turn his heels just a few steps into the washroom, facing a surprised Sungwoon. Daniel's slightly panting, and his vision is starting to get blurry, plus it's not helping that he feels like puking any moment now.

"I'm not? I mean, I need the toilet too...?" Sungwoon trails off his words, eyes wandering around Daniel’s face and then suddenly he's getting closer. He touches Daniel by his elbow, and Daniel winces as if he was just touched by a hot iron. "Are you okay?"

Daniel backs away, not answering the man in front of him, his back then meeting the wall behind him and his head momentarily spins. Sungwoon steps forward to get closer to him again, but instead of questioning or saying anything, he is just there, standing in front of Daniel and staring at him. _Always like this_ , Daniel says to himself, _always starting off innocent and then turning into the devil himself._

"Stop doing that," Daniel croaks out. His voice is stuck within his throat just like usual, whenever he's alone with Sungwoon.

"Doing what?" Sungwoon questions.

"Doing all these - all these staring, staring kind of stuff. It's just... uncomfortable." Daniel shifts to his other foot, clearly uncomfortable and trying to get away from all this as soon as possible.

"But haven't you been doing the same as well?"

Now, Daniel feels the fury inside of him, more ever so with how Sungwoon ended his question with his lips curling into a subtle smirk, his eyebrows raised to mock him like usual. He has not been thinking straight from the start anyway, and if he was dizzy and can lose his balance anytime, now he's like a motherfucking tightrope walking expert. And so he does the most sane to do – grab Sungwoon's face to smother him with his kiss.

Sungwoon does not fight back nor refuse – he has never, anyway – rather he seems to challenge Daniel with the way he's responding aggressively, seemingly trying to overtake him and take the lead. As much as he hates to admit it, this is actually a side of Sungwoon that Daniel has never seen before, and he absolutely loves it. But then he hears the sound of footsteps coming their way and immediately pulls away from the kiss, pushes Sungwoon away from him. Albeit too hard that is, to the point Sungwoon hits his waist against the ledge of the sink but all he does is smile.

"You know, Daniel? You're really funny."

Daniel furrows his eyebrows at the sudden remark.

"There's this thing called asking for permission because clearly it is permissible, but you're going around stealing, and then you feel immensely guilty afterwards." Sungwoon laughs to himself. "Isn't that hilarious? You do know of the concept of honesty, don't you?"

Daniel opens his mouth to retaliate: _But I have a–_ , but Sungwoon is faster to continue.

"Of course I know the involvement of a third party here, but we all know who's the one at fault here. So can't you choose? Between stealing and being honest?"

Daniel stands there, immobile. He's unable to answer or even reply to whatever Sungwoon had been saying to him. Sungwoon merely squeezes his elbow before he excuses himself out of the washroom, leaving Daniel to think to himself and ponder to his reflections like a child who was just caught being naughty and getting punished.

 

 

That was how their promiscuous acts began.

Somehow, Daniel remembers how to go to Sungwoon’s apartment and there he is, knocking on the door at midnight with his head hung low and his conscience telling him to walk away but Sungwoon’s _‘because clearly it is permissible’_ constantly haunts his mind.

And the door opens, with Sungwoon’s confused but satisfied face welcoming him.

“Hey,” Sungwoon starts, a smile playing around his lips. Daniel notices how his sweater hangs low on his shoulder and all he sees is neck, pale neck, pale pale neck, wow.

“Hey,” Daniel breathes out. He’s already prodding inside the apartment and putting his bag down on the sofa, and when he turns around Sungwoon has already closed the door.

 

 

 **[1.39am] to: onggggg <3**  
hey sorry forgot to msg u, staying over at jaehwan’s place tonight

 **[1.46am] from: onggggg <3**  
aites dont drink too much love u

 

 

There's something about the way Sungwoon behaves and reacts to him that leaves him coming back to him for more.

Sungwoon does not say it out loud, rather he shows what he wants by subtle gestures and lesser words.

Take for example: when Sungwoon just came back from a particularly late work day and Daniel is desperate and impatient from waiting too long in Sungwoon’s apartment; he lunges himself to Sungwoon and latches his lips to his neck, his hands gripping his waist but Sungwoon calms him down with a slight force of his hand onto Daniel's shoulder while he wordlessly took Daniel's hand that was previously on his waist to kiss his knuckles.

It is then Daniel understands that Sungwoon wants this to be taken slow, so he rests his forehead against the older man, slightly hunching down to meet his height (which made his heart jump at their height difference), holding softly instead of gripping his waist, and is met with the eyes of his nightmare and dreams. Sungwoon beams up at him, whispering thank you and rewarding the younger with a short yet breath-taking kiss (literally, Daniel can barely feel the air in his lungs) on his lips. Daniel trails after Sungwoon’s lips, wanting more but Sungwoon swiftly backs his head away and frowns slightly, seemingly telling Daniel _No, remember I want to take this slow?_ and chuckling right after Daniel openly huffs in frustration.

“But _hyung_ –”

“Patience, young man,” Sungwoon reprimands him, raising his arms to loop them around Daniel’s neck and shoulder, caressing his nape in an attempt to soothe the young man.

Daniel visibly flattens down, and Sungwoon couldn’t help himself but to peck him on his cheek.

“You know I don’t want to rush this,” Sungwoon says between pecks, and Daniel perks up at the soft gesture and words.

They take their time giving each other short kisses, taking turns – one on the right cheek, the other on the nose; one on the side of the jaw, another on the space between the eyebrows – until they are both red, hot and messy; Daniel's short kisses basically turning into him sucking Sungwoon's face, and Sungwoon grabbing Daniel's hair tighter and tighter, right to the point he grabs his hair to pull him away from his face.

For a moment Daniel is confused; mouth hanging ajar, pupils glassy and blown. But then he is met with lustful eyes, the same eyes that first captivated him, and he understands. _Now_ , Sungwoon pants to him, and Daniel immediately latches his mouth to Sungwoon's neck – the neck that is oh so sinful, yet so pure and innocent at the same time, and all he wants to do is to taint it with his marks. Daniel has always had something for necks, and Sungwoon is no exception, more ever so with how it looks like literally no one has touched it before, even when he knows the amount of times he has continuously lapped and sucked on it. His hands are no longer gripped onto Sungwoon's waist, rather it is Sungwoon gripping his hands to guide him to smooth his hands over his body, before guiding it to unbutton his shirt while Sungwoon unbutton his.

It is during times like this that Daniel knows even if it looks like he has the upper hand in this, it is truly the older man that is controlling him, planning every single action.

 _Daniel_ , Sungwoon moans with his pretty little mouth, when Daniel accidentally brushes his fingers over Sungwoon's nipples - which are already hard and sensitive, being exposed to the chilly air – and he takes the chance to now attach his lips to his nipples instead, swirling his tongue around the perky bud while twisting the other one with his two fingers. He earns himself a grunt in response, and lots of abrupt deep panting from Sungwoon; his throat hitching up as if he was trying to tone down his sheer pleasure. Daniel spends a longer time playing around with Sungwoon's nipples, his other free hand roaming around his body and within a few minutes Sungwoon is already getting restless, his body squirming and his hands grasping and ungrasping Daniel's hair.

At the back of Daniel's mind, he takes a note to himself; of how sensitive Sungwoon's nipples are and the high possibility of Sungwoon's fetish for nipples. He should do this often just to lengthen the time for foreplay – and have he mentioned how in love he is with foreplay? – and as well to play along with Sungwoon, this play of push and pull of control.

He stops his ministration abruptly and pulls away, immediately being met with Sungwoon whining and pouting at him – and of course being the softie he is for him, he swoops in to kiss Sungwoon's lips again. This time it’s Sungwoon who trails after Daniel’s lips, and Daniel has to take everything in him to stop himself from wrecking the older man then and there.

"Let's take this inside, yeah?" Daniel jerks his head to the direction of the bedroom and Sungwoon nods aggressively, albeit a bit sloppily with his eyes hooded, face flushed.

He slots his arm around Sungwoon's waist and walks him to his bedroom, noticing the limp he is sporting due to his overly sensitive cock straining against his tight jeans, and there is a wide patch staining the middle of his pants. Sungwoon is clinging to him by his arms, and Daniel notices how he keeps smoothing his hands over his arms and tracing over his visible veins repeatedly. He knows how Sungwoon likes his arms, just like how infatuated he is with his pale neck. He always notices the eyes that roam to his arms whenever he stretched his arms over his head, or even actions like reaching for something Sungwoon couldn’t.

“Are you done?” Daniel asks when they reached the bedroom, his eyes focused and eyebrows raising at whatever Sungwoon has been doing to his arms.

Sungwoon scoffs in response.

“I’ll continue this later, lover boy.”

This is definitely going to be a long night.

 

Later that night (more like morning, since it’s already going 4am), Daniel checks his phone to find 5 missed calls and 2 unread messages – all from the same person – but all he does is throw it back into his messenger bag.

 

 

“Where have you been?” Seongwoo questions Daniel the moment he opens the door.

“Oh sorry, sorry… Jaehwan was dead drunk so I sent him back to his apartment and passed out there. And my phone died so I couldn’t call you before I reached home.”

It’s practically a habit by this time to keep mentioning Jaehwan, since he works with him and Daniel can easily say his name and Seongwoo would be convinced.

Seongwoo runs his eyes up and down Daniel’s figure, only to sigh and hug him, resting his forehead on Daniel’s shoulder.

“Go and get some rest, you look really tired. Was work hard for you?” Seongwoo asks as he rubs Daniel’s back in a soothing circular motion, and for a moment Daniel thinks about something he shouldn’t be comparing about.

“Yeah,” Daniel answers, “Apparently my supervisor thinks it’s fun to torture me and Jaehwan with thick ass documents every hour of the day.” He pulls away from the hug to place a chaste kiss on Seongwoo’s cheeks before walking away to remove his coat and dump it into his laundry basket.

Seongwoo laughs. “By the way, did Jaehwan change his perfume or something?”

Daniel forgets that Seongwoo and Jaehwan has practically known each other for half of their life.

He merely shrugs and goes into the bathroom.

 

 

There’s this secret code that he and Sungwoon texts each other every time.

_Wanna crash tonight?_

Each time Daniel receives or sends one, there’s just something that stirs inside of him; both excitement and guilt. Sometimes he finds Sungwoon purposely strolling around his sub-department right after the text, in some excuse of finding paper clips, or maybe tapes and while waiting for so he would casually rest his hand on Daniel’s shoulder to subtly caress his nape with his thumb.

“ _Can’t wait_ ,” Sungwoon whispers, lust lacing his voice but it immediately changes into a chirpy voice when he thanks his co-worker for handing him the extra paper clips.

When these days come Sungwoon would leave slightly earlier while Daniel stays back a bit, and when Daniel unlocks Sungwoon’s door he would be met with the exact image he has been imagining; eyes filled with lust, moist red lips, pale neck, flushed chest.

Other times it would be the _Pantry break?_ but they both know where they’re heading, going for the emergency staircase instead and running hands on each other.

“Missed you,” Daniel sighs.

“Missed me or missed my touches?” Sungwoon teases.

“Both.” And Daniel smiles down at Sungwoon while he beams up at him.

 

 

Daniel feels he might have used his ‘going to Jaehwan’s’ excuse far too much, thus the reason why he’s sneaking behind the wall and pouting at Sungwoon, telling him that he’ll stop spending the night at Sungwoon’s for the time being.

“’m sorry, next week, okay?” Daniel coos, but he knows Sungwoon doesn’t mind it as much as he does.

Sungwoon responds with a low hum and caresses his back in calming circles.

 

 

But it seems like luck is on his side.

 

 

Daniel reaches home to complete darkness, and when he switches on the lights he finds his apartment tidier than usual, and at the corner of his eye he sees a blue sticky note stuck on his coffee table. He approaches the note.

 

_Dandan,_

_I’m going back to my house to visit my parents. Don’t forget to eat on time and don’t stay back too late._

_Love you ♡_

 

He’s reaching into his pocket to grab his phone to dial a number, the familiar ringtone ringing into his ears before his dial is picked up, his mouth spreading across his face.

“Hey love, wanna crash my house?”

 


	2. nervousness and guilt have never felt so sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first and foremost: apologies for the very late update like what in the actual hell?? almost 2 months??  
> this is a mere 3k+ update and i hope it's not that boring or slow T____T

  **[10.46pm] from: onggggg <3**

_i’m not going to be back until tues don’t miss me too much~_

 

 

Three knocks, and a single ring of the doorbell. That’s what it takes for Daniel to run to the door. Sometimes he wonders to himself why is he always so excited, why is he always so eager to see his face, Sungwoon’s face. Why does his stomach always lurch to his throat, and why does he always find himself like a young boy who is meeting the crush of his life? Sungwoon is supposed to be a one-time thing, but the amount of times he comes back wanting to bury his face into that particular milky neck with the familiar scent of fresh linen and citrus mixed together, he knows himself it means something more – just that he prefers not to talk about it. Maybe not now, because it might all just be a one-time thing. Maybe he’s been craving for that home, that comfort, too much that he’s mistaking it all.

He smoothens down the creases of his shirt (he doesn’t even know why he’s doing this, when does he care about how he looks like?), and then he opens the door – breathing in deep. Sungwoon’s there in front of him, and he’s wearing such casual clothes: a flowy peach shirt, and washed-off denims. Although he has visited Sungwoon’s house countless of times, he always had to leave before he gets to see Sungwoon stripped down to his casual wear – even though he’s always seen him stripped bare, but that’s another story – so the image of Sungwoon in front of him right now leaves him even breathless (to say it in a cheesy way: also he kind of wants to see him in comfy wear, like fluffy pyjamas or cute onesies, oh imagine how adorable his hyung would look like). Once again, he finds himself thinking.

“Aren’t you inviting me in?” Sungwoon interrupts his train of thoughts; purses his lips, kind of in a coy way, with his head tilting to his right when he notices Daniel just standing right in front of him, and makes no move to gesture him in. “I’m not like you, Niel. I don’t just enter someone’s house impatiently.”

For a while Daniel was taken off guard, his mind too fogged with the image of Sungwoon in pretty pastel lavender pyjamas and when he finally caught on to the casual remark the older man just did to him, he chuckles.

“Are you that excited to see me?” Sungwoon continues on with his teasing.

“Really, hyung? You’re still bent on that incident, aren’t you?” Daniel shakes his head. Oh, that first night of guilty pleasure. How can either of them forget? He takes Sungwoon in with an arm wrapped around his torso, and it was then he finds Sungwoon holding up a filled plastic bag to his face.

“Hey, I bought some snacks, and your favourite wine.”

Daniel’s kind of surprised at the sudden act, and promptly swoops in to peck on Sungwoon’s cheeks. “Now you kind of make me guilty, hyung. I’ve never done such things before.”

“I’m teaching you now, aren’t I?” Sungwoon bops Daniel’s nose and he’s kind of choked up by that subtle action, with how he’s too stunned that he failed to realise Sungwoon has already settled down on the sofa and made himself comfortable, and the plastic bag held up earlier is now on his coffee table.

“Right. Got anything to watch?” Sungwoon asks, looking around the coffee table and sofa in search for the remote control, and turns to Daniel when he receives no response from the younger one. "Suddenly I feel like I'm the owner of the house here."

Daniel is brought back to reality by Sungwoon's pretty laughter, and come to think of it, he always had this nice ring to his laughter. He merely shakes his head, walking to Sungwoon. "Sorry hyung, just kind of– you know, not used to you coming over to my house."

Sungwoon nods and pats on the empty space beside him, and Daniel promptly goes over to sit down next to him – not before he drags Sungwoon onto his lap, that is. 

"–El!" Sungwoon yelps, more than half of Daniel's name coming of his mouth cut short due to the sudden action. "I know you're strong and all, Mr. Muscle Man, but don't just go around dragging me, okay."

"But don't you love it?" That one question is enough to turn Sungwoon into a stuttering mess, babbling in defence before settling down into a pout when all Daniel do is just laugh at every of his words.

He is now pouting at the said younger man who's the cause of all the little fuss, and Daniel can't help but pinch the huffed-out cheeks and snuggle even deeper into Sungwoon's body, nosing the junction between the back of his neck and his ear. How is this hyung so cute? Daniel has no idea but all he knows is he is definitely whipped for the older man, and he's in big trouble. 

"If your lover comes back home at this moment and catches us in this position, I'm gonna laugh at your buff ass."

"Oh hyung, really? I don't think I actually care if he catches me," He singsongs mockingly at the older man's attempt to threaten and scare him. Sungwoon just rolls his eyes and turns his head to his right to avoid Daniel's face, but that just gives him more access to his neck and of course, being the opportunist he always has been, he swoops in to attack.

He places small and fleeting kisses on Sungwoon's nape, revelling with the way the older man is slightly squirming at the ticklish sensation he is creating, and mouths his earlobe. This is what makes Daniel so proud of himself looking at how the man in front of him is so sensitive to every of his actions, and how he knows the most sensitive part of Sungwoon's body. There's this satisfaction running through his veins when Sungwoon lets out hushed mewls, like those are his rewards, and now Sungwoon is tilting his head more. Daniel smiles against his neck when that happened, and holds onto his waist even tighter. 

"Daniel," Sungwoon suddenly interrupts him with a firm hand on his arm, and turns back to him, "I think..."

"What?" Daniel almost whines out. "Why do you always cut–"

It was then Daniel hears the clear sounds of keys clanking against each other, seemingly trying to find the right key to open the door. 

"Holy shit."

As soon as Sungwoon leaves his lap to sit back the original spot he sat on earlier, Daniel immediately turns on the tv to some random channel and rummages through the plastic bag to open the first snack his hands lays on. His hands are shaking, but he manages to rip open one package. Right after that the door is unlocked open, with Seongwoo's confused face greeting them two. Daniel freezes up.

 

“Oh?” Seongwoo tilts his head. “You invited a friend over?”

Daniel’s left there to chuckle like an idiot by himself. Nice timing indeed. He rubs the back of his head as his mind jumbles over each stupid excuse and his mouth decided to blurt out the most cliché excuse ever: “Oh, yeah, well it was kind of lonely for me to be here alone so.”

“Sungwoon,” He pats on Sungwoon’s shoulder and gestures over to Seongwoo. “This is Seongwoo, I’ve told you about him. And Seongwoo, this is Sungwoon, my friend from work.” At the corner of his eye he catches Sungwoon raising an eyebrow at him at how he mentioned ‘ _I’ve told you about him’_.

“Oh hey, sorry to randomly crash but yeah, I’m Daniel’s colleague.” Sungwoon stands up and lightly bowed his head, and Seongwoo reciprocated it by doing the same.

“No, it’s really fine. I’m just here to take some of my things anyway,” Seongwoo smiles and excuses himself, going into the bedroom.

While Seongwoo strolls into the bedroom Sungwoon immediately turned his head to Daniel and there’s that cheeky smirk again, the one that Daniel wants to ruin it so badly, with his lips that is, but absolutely not now. 

"The way you almost lashed at me when I had to _stop_ you," Sungwoon whispers to him, eyes glint with mischief.

Daniel rolls his eyes and purses his lips together, giving the older man an exasperated look with his mouthing ‘please’. Sungwoon, the spawn of the devil, of course, ignores it all together and instead just went in closer to Daniel, so close that their shoulders are touching, their mouths are mere inches away from each other, dangerously so. Daniel noticeably panics – what’s panicking him more is the fact that he nearly caved in to his desires to close the distance between them – and now he finds himself pushing Sungwoon by his shoulder, and quite roughly as well, to the point that Sungwoon fell to the other side of the sofa and laughs loudly.

Really loudly that Seongwoo’s coming out of the room with a confused look.

 

“What happened?” Seongwoo asks, curious.

“Oh nothing, Daniel said some stuffs about you,” Sungwoon said in between laughs, his shoulders shaking and his face reddening, and beside him is as well a very flushed Daniel, his hands fiddling with each other.

“Dan! What did you mention to your friend about me, huh?” Seongwoo’s coming closer to them and plops them to the armchair across the sofa, frowning and faking an angry façade, his arms crossed. Sungwoon’s still laughing by himself.

“Err…” Daniel stutters, and looks everywhere but Seongwoo and Sungwoon. His heartbeats running so fast, and he’s gonna get caught at this rate.

“This boy,” Seongwoo huffs out and drops the topic, moving on to another one instead. “So how did you guys get close?”

Sungwoon looks over at Daniel and snorts, hunching down, “Us?” Seongwoo merely replied with an amused face, ready for some interesting story between them two.

“Well, definitely not the normal way of getting to know each other… am I right, Niel?” He trails off and his eyes catches the wavering eyes of Daniel’s, like a deer caught in the headlights. “Let’s say it didn’t really went well in the beginning, and I nearly made him hate me at first sight.”

“The hell, Dan?” Seongwoo guffaws. “Tell me more.”

“I dropped my coffee on the floor, and those little drops of it splattered all over his shirt. You should see how angsty he was looking at his dirty white shirt! God, I’ve never seen such anger before.” Both of them are laughing at this rate, Seongwoo relating with Sungwoon and Daniel’s laughing as well but the things going around his head are far off from the hearty forced laughs he’s letting out. Every second goes by excruciatingly slow, and all Daniel wants is for Seongwoo to excuse himself out of this apartment right now.

It’s as if the more he crunches his nose and closes his eyes in an attempt to laugh ‘heartily’ or ‘merrily’ along with the two men in front of him, the more he felt like someone’s choking him up with invisible hands. What he’s doing right now is to just dumbly follow along their laughs, and daze off when they converse about whatever stuffs; his ears seemingly can’t get to catch any of it.

 

“Dan?” Seongwoo’s voice interrupts him, with Sungwoon nudging his arm. “I’m going off now.”

Daniel forms an ‘O’ with his mouth and stands up, subconsciously pecks his lover’s cheeks, in which Seongwoo lightly slaps his chest and whispers, ‘ _Your friend is here!’_ Daniel merely brushes it off, “Sungwoon doesn’t mind,” and follows him till Seongwoo left the apartment.

The moment he closes the door after him, Sungwoon laughs again.

“Really? What did you say just now? Something like– _Oh, I don’t really care if he catches me_?”

“Oh please, hyung. Hush.” Daniel’s walking back over to the sofa and plunges himself next to Sungwoon, burying his head into Sungwoon’s chest, arms already looped around his waist. “Me and my jinxed mouth. Good lord, save me.”

“Okay, okay, but I’m really curious how your lover can’t seem to detect anything. In denial, or just ignoring anything suspicious? Hmm, _Dandan_?" Sungwoon pats his chin in thought. "This is really interesting.”

Daniel’s heart is doing those random jumps of panic at what Sungwoon said, but somehow being in his embrace kind of makes him forget about those words the older man just mentioned.

“I’ll just think about that later,” He hums out. “Bedroom, now?”

Sungwoon snorts out. “Of course.”

 

 

 

One-time thing.

These three words keep spinning around Daniel’s head. Sure, it was meant to be a one-time thing in the beginning, but how many times has this happened already? This is conflicting, and he knows what he’s doing is wrong, and obviously nothing about it is right.

Also, it’s not even about the promiscuous acts anymore.

He’s aware of the impending feelings engulfing him as days goes by of him constantly finding himself thinking about Sungwoon in every moment. The shoes he saw a few days back when he was mindlessly window-shopping? It sure would look good on Sungwoon. Oh, is that corn chips that Sungwoon’s recently obsessed about? Should try it out some time and figure why he’s so obsessed about it. He even thinks about him at the most random time of the day, and it all reminds him back of the first few years of him being with Seongwoo. Since when did this all even started?

 

“Oh, fuck.”

Daniel’s woken up from his thoughts when he finds Sungwoon tripping over his own leg. It was just a few moments ago when they’re just on the bed next to each other, and he must have been too into his thoughts that he didn’t realise Sungwoon getting ready to leave.

“Where are you going, hyung?” Daniel pouts and reaches for the hem of Sungwoon’s sleeves to tug on them, albeit a bit too roughly since Sungwoon’s tumbling back on the bed and laughing at himself. Daniel smiles at the slight commotion.

“I thought I just told you earlier? I’m going back, silly. Don’t wanna get caught in a mess.” Sungwoon ruffles Daniel’s head, then smoothens them back together and his hand lingers there for a moment before he rises back up again and turns his back against Daniel, seemingly wanting to say something but deciding not to.

Daniel watches as Sungwoon saunters around the room, casually taking his time to look around for whatever he was searching at the moment. “God if I lose this watch I’m killing you,” he threatens, but there’s no anger nor malice in his voice, just his usual soft voice.

“I can just buy you another one,” Daniel says, but Sungwoon’s hissing in reply while he crouches at the floor still in search because “ _it’s not the same!_ ” Daniel’s still in his boxers, Sungwoon too, since he finds the importance in finding his watch first before wearing any of his clothes first, and Daniel can’t help but stare and roam his eyes around Sungwoon’s body. Sungwoon seems to have caught the attention that is now on him, and he stops in front of Daniel.

“Hey, my body is not for some free show,” Sungwoon scolds, but there’s that glint in his eyes again and his lips are curling into that smirk.

“Hyung, can’t you stay?” Daniel whines, sitting up and holds onto Sungwoon’s wrists, swinging their arms, acting like some child who’s about to get his favourite toy taken away from him. “Seongwoo’s not coming back until like, the day after tomorrow. Please?"

Sungwoon just stares at him.

“Pretty please?” Daniel tries again.

“Don’t be ridiculous, young man. I’m practically going to see you tomorrow at work,” Sungwoon rolls his eyes when Daniel groans out in displeasure. “You will have to be satisfied with just that.”

Nonetheless Daniel pushes the older man’s arms towards him and traps him within his hold, and even though he hears the grunt that Sungwoon lets out, he hears his wheeze and feels the shaking of his shoulders – and that’s all Daniel needs right now.

 

 

 

Jaehwan’s giving him the glances ever since Daniel reached the office, and Daniel knows there’s something working behind that brain of his. Somehow Daniel not surprised at all and even expects this to happen, what with the same excuses he has been giving to Seongwoo, and how it mainly involves Jaehwan and his place. And it is not helping that Sungwoon decides to stroll around his sub-department area in the middle of the lazy morning, casually talking with their other colleagues, him being the usual friendly bunny he has always been.

“Hey, Sungwoon, do you have someone?” Jisung asks, swirling his cup of cooled-down coffee in his hand, probably too unwilling to start work thus the random question.

“Hmm… Not really?” Sungwoon jokes around.

“What?” Jisung chokes on thin air. “What do you mean by that? Like the facebook relationship status, ‘complicated’?”

Someone’s whistling from the other cubicle, amused by the conversation but giving no effort to pop his head up to join in.

“Somewhere around there.” Sungwoon chuckles.

“Not bad, Sungwoon.” Jisung starts clapping. “I’m amazed, given with such an innocent face like yours.”

“Yeah, I know right,” Daniel unconsciously says to himself, just mindlessly typing nonsense on an opened word document and not realising he said it out loud instead of inside his mind (like really, when will his brain ever cooperate with his mouth during times like this?) until he feels Sungwoon leaning into his space and seeing the enlarging eyes of Jaehwan’s when he jerks his body up in surprise at his own stupidity. It must have not been that loud for others to hear, since everyone’s chitchatting amongst themselves while them three are creating their own soap opera of their own.

Jaehwan’s mouthing at him with his jaw opened wide, _What the fuck?_ Daniel groans out internally, that boy’s always so fast with everything, always knowing what’s wrong and aware of the subtle gestures anyone’s letting out. There’s a reason why he’s the no.1 gossiper in this office. Daniel should really worry about his mind-being right now but he’s too preoccupied with Sungwoon hand going down his arms instead.

“Hey, _Dandan_ , don’t say that out loud,” Sungwoon whispers to him, a smile on his face as a façade, though his other hand that’s not running up and down his arm is pressing down on his shoulder blade.

“R-Right. Sorry,” Daniel stutters out as he sees the change in Jaehwan’s expression.

“I’ll see you later then,” Sungwoon says out loud to Daniel, but everyone else is answering him back while Daniel’s just there frozen.

It seems that the bubble of hesitance Jaehwan has been putting around him is popped open with how he saw almost everything that happened, between the subtle gestures to the not-so-subtle words exchanged between them two, and right after Sungwoon leaves their department area, Jaehwan rakes his chair over to his place to lean in to him.

“Oi, what’s going on with you and that new transfer you were avoiding about?” Jaehwan asks, his eyebrows furrow together in curiosity and confusion. “Don’t think I’m like all these other ignorant colleagues in this office.”

“What,” Daniel merely says, turning his attention to his laptop in feigning ignorance, _chanting to himself please don’t ask anything else more, please–,_ but Jaehwan’s pulling a tight grip on his arm.

“You don’t like staying over at my place. That’s enough to say.”

Daniel’s now turning back to Jaehwan and it is then he sees those eyes of Jaehwan’s, filled with something he couldn’t grasp on what it is, but it’s somewhere along the line of dead serious; and Jaehwan’s rarely this serious.

“Seongwoo’s been asking, hasn’t he?”

“He’s not overly suspicious yet, but you know it wouldn’t be long until he finally breaks. He keeps asking if there’s something wrong going on.” Jaehwan worries, his upper teeth gnawing against his lower lip in deep thought. “I don’t want to be the middle man.”

Daniel sighs. “Don’t worry, you won’t.”

“What actually happened?” Jaehwan questions, trying to pry in. Daniel knows he meant good, but there’s something about the question that suddenly ticks him off and he nearly slaps away the worry hand on his forearm. He tightens a smile to Jaehwan.

“You know that there’s no point in trying to keep everything to yourself,” Jaehwan continues, not sensing the change in the atmosphere.

“I know you’re worried but really, it’s nothing. Me and the transfer are just friends that got close due to personal interests,” Daniel reasons out. “There’s nothing between us.”

Jaehwan open his mouth again but Daniel shuts him off him with a click of his tongue, and him going back to typing on his laptop. He can literally hear the questions going about in Jaehwan’s head: _“There’s nothing but you’re always not at home? Personal interests? What kind of personal interests?”_ Jaehwan lets out a deep sigh as he unwillingly drags his chair back to his cubicle, and Daniel ignores the beginning of a headache when he feels his phone buzzing.

 

**[11.53am] from: psychodog**

_i’ll say this srsly. if you’re going to end it or anything, better be a clean one_

 

**[11.55am] from: psychodog**

_you know i’m not going to let you off easy if you leave it messy_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i updated a small note at the end of the first chapter that i'll make this a chaptered one and im gonna slap myself for taking so long to think of a proper ending GOD apologies apologies im gonna try and put up the next update within 1 or 2 weeks if u dont see me updating it pls kill me
> 
> ANYWAY!!! hope yall enjoy it :-----)<3333 AND!!! i saw the influx of nielwoon fics and moments good looooooordddd omg i rmbr back when i wanted to post this fic i was internally crying at how i had to create the tag ;_;
> 
> and the amount of kudos!!!! thank you so much i love yall <3333


	3. he's got the eyes of a lion, tears of an angel

Sungwoon may be considered weird to some.

He thrives at the sight of one being caught red-handed, loves the way the person flushes bright under the knowing eyes of the catcher, drinks in the guilt seeping out of their mouth as they tried to prove themselves innocent. He savours each and every moment of them, locks them right in the twisted mind of his, and continues on with his oblivious act. If you ask him what thrills him the most, it is the act of playing with one’s mind, and Daniel is not an exception of it.

Yes, of course, nothing about his current actions are worth being mentioned for, and Sungwoon had even initially reprimanded to himself to never go back to his old ways – which has now become a recurrent – but the way Daniel behaves around him and reacts to every of his action intrigues him like no other. It might have been the way he acts like a big bully and a confident dick who doesn’t give a damn about their lover and continues to cheat through his teeth, and it might have been how Daniel easily backs down at the slight trigger of Sungwoon trying to expose his guilts to his lover. Either way, it excites him.

He has no idea what had actually happened that moulded him into a changed man; whether it be for the better or the worse, though he prefers to say it would be the former. Sometimes Sungwoon thinks back to how his old character was such a huge contrast to his current one, but well, it might all have been just a shield to cover up the countless scars and mistakes he had done that taught him the scares of the real world. Might be, might not be. Nonetheless, he stands proud of himself.

Truth to be told, getting Daniel was easier than it has been thought inside Sungwoon’s head. All that had happened in the pantry that caused their first fateful meeting was purely coincidental, and Sungwoon did not even think about doing so until he heard _that_ word blurted out from that pretty mouth of Daniel’s, ‘ _Cute’_ , followed by the embarrassing stutters the younger man did right after. It was honestly an adorable sight to see, what with how Daniel actively tries to avoid him wherever he appears to be. Indeed, he did purposely search for the younger man the moment he entered the restaurant for the company dinner since his transfer, and he thrived on the image of Daniel swaying to every of his planned actions.

Plus, Daniel is such a nice catch.

Sungwoon admits that Daniel has one hell of a physique. Broad shoulders, toned body, sweet sickening addictive smile, and those unforgettable eye smile of his (plus that scrunch of his nose whenever he laughs at something, but Sungwoon won’t openly admit to that – just because) can easily sweep the feet off him. Daniel reminds Sungwoon of one of his recent past lover. Sweet and loving, just the right dash of perfect boyfriend vibes, and everything screams right to him, but of course, with every right comes something wrong. It didn’t end exactly well between the two of them, but it might have more than partly his fault for the wrong end of their relationship. Although unlike his past lover, Daniel has a more playful aura to him, and it didn’t cost much of time between the two of them for Sungwoon to find that characteristic in him. Simply to say, Daniel plays well with him.

Though, these days Daniel holds his heart out on his sleeve far too often for a man who is cheating on his lover. Sungwoon knows, notices how the playful aura is slowly changing to that familiar feel, how Daniel’s craving more than just the sinful touches, but he’s also very well aware of the fact that the two of them cannot be together for a lot of reasons they themselves know of. It has all been fun and games since the beginning anyway, so that is exactly how he’s going to continue it as. There’s clearly an obvious boundary that the two of them can’t go over, and Sungwoon’s not going to bear the consequences of what might happen if he were to go over it. He’s been through it, and he’s not going to sacrifice again just to add on to the ugly collection of scars shielded by his promiscuous cover.

It’s interesting to see, though, how Daniel’s lover – what was his name again? Seongwoo? – kept to himself even when Sungwoon notices how uncomfortable his gaze was toward the two of them, as if he knows somewhere and something is definitely wrong between them two, but chose to brush it all away with the strained smile on his face. It reminds Sungwoon of his old days, back when he was a coward, when he was nothing but just a helpless boy who couldn’t speak up for himself.

 

 

 

It’s not that Sungwoon’s afraid his cover might be exposed to the whole of the office, he even did subtly suggest that he is not as innocent as he might seem to be as, but Daniel seemed to forget that the whole office is still on the thought of Daniel’s relationship with Seongwoo as a sacred and precious one. In a way, he’s saving Daniel’s poor cheating ass, but luckily no one had caught on to those scandalous words spouted out of his mouth except for his friend seated opposite him, Jaehwan – which he isn’t even surprised. Rumour has it that if you tell Jaehwan a secret, the whole office will know of it within an hour. But well, not this ‘secret’ then, since Jaehwan is Daniel’s close friend.

Sungwoon’s now in the restroom, leaning against the counter and staring at his phone, one hand holding on his phone while the other arm’s crossing against his torso. He laughs at how Daniel froze upon hearing his words; he really didn’t mean to be so strict, but it seems that his tone seemed to be fiercer than he intended to be. And that is how he is now messaging the poor young man.

 

**[11.57am] to: big pup**

_hey, didn’t mean to be so fierce just now_

**[11.58am] to: big pup**

_meet me in the restroom?_

 

He knows what he is doing right now is beyond what he usually does for his other ‘lovers’, and he’s aware of the fact that he’s kind of soft towards the young man, but he guesses it’s alright as long as he doesn’t go over the boundary, right? He has to admit that the length of this ‘play’ between him and Daniel is longer than the usual he does, but with how shaky it seems for Daniel and his guilt, it might end sooner or later. Sungwoon smiles to himself at the remembrance of the sweet memories, and ignores the fluttering feeling of how it would have been if they were to have a real relationship because as playful as he is, he knows that he can never wish for one with a man who is already in one.

 

 

 

**[11.58am] from: big pup**

_oki :(_

 

Sungwoon did not even have to wait for a minute for Daniel to reach the restroom with a huge pout on his face.

The moment Daniel sees him waiting by the sink counter, he immediately whines and throws himself onto the smaller man in front of him. Sungwoon welcomes him with open arms (when has he not, anyway?) and rubs his back with soothing circles. Daniel was just about to enjoy the warmth when Sungwoon remembers that people might come in – and it is weird because it’s the first time for him to be the first to think of this, because usually Daniel will be on his toes anywhere in the office building – and grabs the wrist of the younger man and drags him inside a cubicle, Daniel not saying anything and letting himself to be dragged because he knows the reason why. Sungwoon locks the door behind him and turns to the pouting man.

“Did Jaehwan say anything?” Sungwoon questions, but Daniel merely buries his face into Sungwoon’s neck.

“Guess we’ll need some time between each other then,” Sungwoon says instead of waiting for Daniel’s reply, and is met with the sharp spring of Daniel’s head.

Daniel gasps in horror. “What? No!”

Sungwoon laughs at him. “How about Jaehwan then? How will you deal with him?”

“I know how to deal with him. We’re not getting any break.” Daniel hugs him tighter. “Nope.”

Sungwoon scoffs at Daniel while the younger merely laughs back in happiness, and lets himself bask in the comfort of being in the younger man’s arms.

Well then, it’s not his problem anyway.

Somehow, it’s during times like these when it brings Sungwoon back to the memories of that past lover of his, the one that he had actually cherish, holds each and every moment between the two of them dearly to his heart, and wonders if them two would be like this if the one huge mistake didn’t happen. He knows that he has to let go of everything except the nice memories; he is big enough to understand this. There’s a lot of regret, but he can’t do anything about it anymore. He sighs wistfully to himself.

“What’s wrong?” Daniel asks, interrupting his train of thoughts.

“Nothing,” He merely replies.

It will take a long time to fully let go, but that is exactly the reason behind his constant promiscuous acts.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM REALLY REALLY SORRY how did the 2 weeks turn into 2 months T___T i don't know if any of you are still interested in reading this fic but i will do my best to finish this as fast as possible!!  
> i was busy with my internship and real life stuffs and also i ran into a writer's block while writing this thus why ;_;  
> also i was going to post the original chapter 3 but thought it would be interesting (? i hope) to have a short chapter for sungwoon  
> i'll post the next chapter in a day!


	4. i guess being too honest is our sin

Maybe Daniel wants to tear his face away. Maybe he wants to dig a hole in the middle of nowhere and bury himself inside and never, never, ever appear on the surface of this evil world again. Maybe all he wants is just to rewind back time to when things were fine and well – not so innocent, but he figures it’s all because of karma. Karma biting him on his ass, and terribly painful at that.

It was him that was too itchy for his own good and went overboard, but could he entirely blame himself for this?

Daniel has never spoken to anyone of his problem before, because he was a scaredy-cat. A fucking coward. He was afraid of even the thought of Seongwoo leaving him, so that was how he clung onto the older man like a fool, his emotions on the line, and most importantly – his ego. Daniel was always on the receiving end, a natural charmer he is, that he could score any of the girls and boys alike with just his signature smile, making them swoon as easy as ordering a meal. So when a man of the name Ong Seongwoo came and overtook his role as a natural charmer, instead charming the younger man into liking him, that was how Daniel tasted the bitter side of a relationship.

Countless times he caught the older man flirting discretely with another man, but he closed an eye to them because he knows that it will stop, sooner or later. Seongwoo is like that, Daniel understands. When everyone coos at them, saying, _Oh look, what a sweet perfect couple_ , Daniel wishes it was all true.

Daniel’s phone vibrates and makes a rumbling noise on his office desk. He doesn’t even have to look at his notification to know that it’s Jaehwan spamming his messages to reply him or else he’ll kill him. _Shut the hell up_ , Daniel wants to say out loud to him, but he keeps it to himself before he gets into trouble with his department head.

Fine, yes, sometimes Seongwoo treats him as if Daniel is the whole of his world, but does that mean he could easily brush them all off with the amount of times he had made him felt like he was just an option? Just because the two of them put a good front to themselves for everyone else to see?

( _But then,_ his mind speaks to him, _why are you entirely blaming Seongwoo?_ )

At the same time, Daniel can’t seem to bring himself to end this toxic relationship.

_It's a mistake, it's a mistake, you're a mistake._

_It’s all your mistakes._

 

 

 

Daniel’s phone rumbles and rattles against his desk and he was just about to turn it to silent mode with how he can literally hear the thoughts of their colleagues complaining in annoyance inside their head, but then he sees that contact name that immediately chirps him up, what with how sweet the message is. It might seem very normal to other people, but Daniel knows, that he seldom messages like this.

**[11.57am] from: wooniehyung!**

_hey, didn’t mean to be so fierce just now_

 

**[11.58am] from: wooniehyung!**

_meet me in the restroom?_

Truth to be told, Daniel never expected Sungwoon to actually inform him like that, because he himself knows that whatever is between them cannot be told to the public, is meant to kept as a secret. He expects the strict words being spat on him previously, understands that Sungwoon got mad due to his carelessness, but the way Sungwoon messaged him just to kind of reassure or calm him down… it’s giving him hope. He immediately excuses himself from his seat, ignoring the protesting looks of Jaehwan’s, and texts a quick reply before sprinting to the restroom.

**[11.58am] to: wooniehyung!**

_oki :(_

 

 

 

It didn’t take him long to spot the familiar figure leaning against the counter, arms crossed against his chest and just looking afar, waiting for his appearance. As depressing as what has happened just now, his chest is easily freed of any heaviness once his eyes meet Sungwoon’s. He whines and rushes to throw himself onto the smaller man, engulfing him into an embrace and just, really enjoying the whole warmth shared between the two of them. He knows, how he turns into a huge puppy the moment he is with Sungwoon, but the older man has never showed any discomfort or displeasure at his act, thus the reason why he has never hesitated to show this side of him every time they met.

Just as he’s about to snuggle further in, Sungwoon pulls away from their embrace and drags them inside a cubicle, and for once it is the older man doing it instead of him, serving as a surprise for the younger man. Sungwoon pushes him in first before locking the door after him and turning to look at him.

“Did Jaehwan say anything?” Sungwoon questions, but Daniel merely buries his face into Sungwoon’s neck.

“Guess we’ll need some time between each other then,” Sungwoon says instead of waiting for Daniel’s reply, and is met with the sharp spring of Daniel’s head. He gasps in horror.

As much as he thinks it is really a good timing to put some time off between the two of them, the thought of being away from the older man for a few days puts him into a bad mood, and he can’t deal with more negativity with Jaehwan’s threatens shooting him every now and then today.

“What? No!” Daniel protests.

Sungwoon laughs at him. “How about Jaehwan then? How will you deal with him?”

“I know how to deal with him. We’re not getting any break.” Daniel hugs him tighter. “Nope.”

Sungwoon scoffs at Daniel while the younger merely laughs back in happiness. Daniel knows he’s being selfish, but he guesses it’s time for him to stop being selfless after years, and maybe for once think about himself; even though this sin will follow him like a tail. Though, it will be fine once he says the truth to Seongwoo, right?

For now, he will have to deal with Jaehwan first.

 

 

 

Dealing with Jaehwan might be easier said than done.

It might have been easier if not for the fact that Jaehwan is inconveniently seated in front of him, giving the devil the fast and straight access to disturb him every single moment of the day. The moment Daniel came back from his restroom break, Jaehwan is already boring holes into his head the second he steps into their department, following him right until he sits back on his seat. Luckily for him, the others are too preoccupied with their own work and couldn’t be bothered with how Jaehwan keeps ‘accidentally’ stepping on Daniel’s feet even though his short legs couldn’t even reach Daniel’s unless he stretches it as far as he could. Daniel, as a result of Jaehwan’s frustration towards him not replying to his texts nor giving any kind of reaction after all those annoying acts, has to profusely apologise to the others for bumping his knee against his desk while the steam in him is slowly rising to his boiling point. It’s becoming a mixture of Daniel bumping his knee against his desk and his phone vibrating and rattling, and Daniel prays for lunch break to come faster and for his sane mind to not explode.

Daniel had planned to (finally) reply to the texts and maybe bring Jaehwan to a corner to talk to him, but apparently his beloved friend couldn’t wait any longer because the moment their department head tells them all to head for lunch, Jaehwan’s the first to shout out loud and announce to the whole office.

“Me and Daniel’s going elsewhere for lunch!”

Daniel thanks in his mind because for a moment, he thought this devil would announce to the whole office of him cheating on Seongwoo. He can, for once, place some trust in his friend in this kind of matter.

No one actually pays Jaehwan attention and just gave him a half-hearted ‘okay’ or a nod because they all saw and heard the commotion between the two, and thought they are just having that friend ‘quarrel’. Once the rest of their colleagues walked out of their office, Jaehwan pushes Daniel’s chair with his foot, Daniel yelping and cursing at him for nearly causing him to fall out of his seat.

“What the fuck?” Daniel spits, raising his eyebrows offensively at Jaehwan, although he knows exactly what’s up with Jaehwan’s attitude.

Jaehwan rolls his eyes in annoyance, clearly not happy with anything that’s happening right now.

“First of all, why are you avoiding my texts,” Jaehwan demands.

“Oh, you texted me?” Daniel asks in fake ignorance, his face straight without any emotions.

Jaehwan stares at him in astonishment. The _nerve_.

“Stop it, will you?” He rakes his fingers through his hair in frustration. “You’re always like this. I fucking hate this attitude of yours even when you know you’re the one in wrong.”

“If you think faking ignorance is the way to deal with me, you are so wrong, Daniel.”

Daniel just crosses his arms and looks away, ignoring the man in front of him, who’s about to burst at any moment. Jaehwan doesn’t know everything, so it’s kind of fair for him to be so angry at him. Regardless he’s still petty about Seongwoo, even though he knows it’s a lot more to his fault.

Jaehwan grunts at the lack of response and drags Daniel by his wrist, drags him to the pantry where there is luckily no one to hear all the scandalous words that might cause an uproar in the whole office. He rummages through the cupboards to find some nice cup noodles, and tear them open once he finds the one he and Daniel likes before shoving them into Daniel’s face.

“Let’s at least eat. I’m hungry from all this anger.”

Daniel accepts the ramen like a nice boy and sits down opposite of Jaehwan after pouring hot water into his cup, both of them dazing off into a corner until Jaehwan coughs out to clear the silence.

“So, won’t you tell me what’s happening?”

Daniel sighs in defeat. “I don’t know anymore, Jaehwan. I’m messed up.”

Jaehwan merely stares at him as if telling him, _Now then you realised?_

“Honestly,” Jaehwan starts and balls his hand into a fist, frustration building up in him. “I can kill you here if I want to.”

Daniel keeps silent.

“Fine, I know Seongwoo has _those_ days, those times he’s easily shaken up by other guys–”

Wait, _what_? Come again? Did he heard it wrong or did Jaehwan just told him that he knows about Seongwoo being like that?

“Wa–wait, so you know about it already?” Daniel interrupts Jaehwan’s sentence, surprised that his friend knows of Seongwoo’s habit – or whatever it is.

Jaehwan hangs his head low. “What do you expect? I’m his closest friend. He’s guilty of it too.”

He clicks his tongue to grab back Daniel’s attention – the news apparently serving quite a huge blow to him, what with how he’s just staring off at one corner – because that is not the point. The point is about Daniel cheating on Seongwoo.

“But that doesn’t mean you can just cheat on him like that!” Jaehwan shouts, anger radiating off him, not caring about the surrounding area since most of them have gone out for lunch anyway. “How many months has it been, exactly?”

“Months?” Daniel asks, but more to himself. He didn’t realise that he and Sungwoon has been keeping up this… this thing between them for months.

“You didn’t even realise?” Jaehwan questions back, flabbergasted at how Daniel is unaware of his own situation. Well, time sure flies fast when you’re having fun.

Daniel shakes his head like a little boy caught in his own acts.

“Okay, Daniel, this is not a playing matter anymore,” Jaehwan reminds and throws a pair of chopsticks towards Daniel’s direction. “I don’t want this to end messy between you and Seongwoo. You know I meant it when I said that.”

Daniel merely nods.

“I don’t care how you’re going to talk with Seongwoo, but if he comes back to me crying, you know whose ass I’m gonna beat up.”

 

When they all came back after their lunch break, it is all back to normal, with Jaehwan just returning back to doing his work without disturbing him at every second of the day earlier, and although it is supposed to be the normal setting every day at work, right now it feels surprisingly empty because there’s no one to disrupt his running mind and all he’s left is the thoughts eating him alive.

 

 

 

Daniel finishes his work on time today, surprisingly so, with how a lot of stuffs are invading his mind on this particular day, but he shuts down his laptop at 6pm sharp and packs his belongings before sending a quick _‘Wanna crash my house tonight?’_ text to Sungwoon. He doesn’t bother to wait for the other to reply him, and bids his colleague goodbye. His eyes meet with Jaehwan’s, and there’s the same threaten and malice as he saw in the morning, but he doesn’t do anything except for bidding him goodbye. Jaehwan probably puts his trust in him to handle the issue properly. Somehow, he leaves his sub-department area with a slightly lesser heavy heart, but that is until he sees the two figures huddled up at a corner of the lift lobby. He scurries off to a blind spot next to it and watches them with careful eyes.

It’s Sungwoon, with a taller man in front of him. Daniel couldn’t quite catch the other man, but listens in on their conversation.

“Maybe not tonight.” Daniel hears Sungwoon saying to the other person, and observes the soft way Sungwoon treats him, just like how he treats him. Somehow, he feels somewhat suffocated, the familiar feeling of jealousy blooming right inside his heart. But then again, what was he expecting from Sungwoon, anyway?

“Is it him again? The one that you’ve always talked about?” The taller man asks, and Sungwoon nods in response. Daniel didn’t even have to guess to know that he’s talking about him. The two of them continue to talk in hushed whispers which Daniel couldn’t get his ears to listen in to, and he suddenly feels like a bad child, what with how he seems to be eavesdropping in something intimate. They ended their talk with a hug that lasts longer than normal friends have, and Daniel swiftly walks out just as the taller man exits the area to go walk into the hallway leading to other sub-departments.

Sungwoon doesn’t look surprised when he sees Daniel walking over to him.

“Who was that?” Daniel questions, not keeping his curiosity to himself and asking the older man straight-up.

“Oh, that?” Sungwoon points to the hallway. “That’s Minhyun, part of the finance department. Why?”

“Nothing.” Daniel scratches his chin. “Just… interesting.”

Sungwoon snorts at Daniel’s reply and takes out his phone, sees the unopened notifications on his screen and catches Daniel’s text. “Oh sorry, didn’t see your message.”

Daniel clearly heard Sungwoon saying to Minhyun regarding something about him not being able to make it for whatever event or promise the two of them might have done previously, so he’s wondering why Sungwoon’s feigning ignorance about his message. He brushes it off.

“It’s okay.” Daniel shrugs his shoulders and smiles. “So, up for it?”

“Cool,” Sungwoon replies nonchalantly and is met with the bump of shoulder against Daniel’s chest, the younger wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him in.

“Yay!” Daniel chirps. “I’ll drive you to my apartment.”

Sungwoon was just about to agree, but then the ridiculousness of Daniel’s statement hits him late and he’s left laughing at the younger man. “You don’t even know how to drive.”

“Whatever. The point is I’m bringing you there.”

 

 

 

The night at Daniel’s apartment is quieter and slower than normal, and Sungwoon can literally hear himself making every single move. They haven’t done anything but just hug each other and steal some kisses or two, but that’s just that. Truth to be told, Sungwoon is beginning to feel bored. He reaches out from Daniel’s embrace to grab his unattended phone on the coffee table to open up a random song on his playlist and leaves it back there. When Sungwoon unconsciously huffs out in boredom, Daniel promptly catches on the action and immediately casts a worried look to him.

“Sorry, are you bored, hyung?”

Sungwoon nods because he couldn’t stand the silence anymore. “Yeah, but it seems that you have a lot in mind.”

The nuzzle of Daniel’s nose against his shoulder line is enough to explain all, because after months of spending time with the younger man he learns that he has a habit of nuzzling whenever he’s experiencing some kind of trouble or problem. Sungwoon hums to hint that Daniel can share his problems if he wants to.

“It’s just… Seongwoo,” Daniel starts, his voice muffled and causing a soothing kind of vibration against Sungwoon’s shoulder. “We’re not exactly as ‘perfect’ as people seem to think.”

Daniel says no more, his mind trailing off to think about Seongwoo.

“But don’t you think every relationship has a crack to them?” Sungwoon questions, breaking off Daniel’s train of thoughts. “Nobody’s perfect, Daniel. It’s whether the two can accommodate to each other’s mistakes.”

“Like the two of us?”

“What?” Sungwoon laughs.

“I mean like me and you. You know.” Daniel tries to explain with some hand gestures, but Sungwoon turns to him to hold them down.

“We’re different, Daniel. We’re not even a thing,” Sungwoon says, void of any emotions.

Daniel stays silent at the remark, even when he clearly knows of that fact, and Sungwoon shrugs his shoulder at the reaction. Again, Sungwoon notes, Daniel shows his emotions too well to him, to the point that he can denote whatever he is thinking and feeling.

“What’s with the cold reaction?” Sungwoon asks anyway and playfully pokes his shoulder, just to ignite some kind of angry outburst from the younger man – a reaction he is expecting.

Which is exactly what happened, with how Daniel’s happy face previously changed to a bitter one, the tips of his lips uncurling to form a grim line.

“Stop it, hyung.” Daniel’s voice is cracking at this moment, and the redness flushing in his face is nothing near embarrassment, but of him trying to hold it in, hold his whole heart in. “Making fun of me, playing around with me. Is it fun?”

Sungwoon’s playful hand stops and drops down by his side, and his smile is no longer hanging around his lips.

“Daniel,” Sungwoon rakes his fingers through his hair and sighs. “I know you’re thinking of something else, but wasn’t this all supposed to be fun and games? It has always been games for me. For you, for us. Both of us know of this.”

There’s a whole set of silence forming in between them two, of hesitance and denial, in which Sungwoon’s stopping himself from blurting out hurtful words to the poor kid in front of him, and of Daniel blocking out all the negativity clouding his mind.

“You know it, don’t you?” Sungwoon breaks off the silence with his question.

“How many have you done this… this– whatever shit you’ve been doing, honestly?” Daniel cuts Sungwoon’s question off with his own, and for a moment he felt like he could just tear his face off due to the numbness he’s feeling right now. Although he knows, he truly knows from the beginning how nothing between them is worthy to Sungwoon, he just can’t help but feel hurt.

“Countless.”

Sungwoon noticed the change in atmosphere, but nonetheless, he ignores it.

He picks up his phone left on the coffee table, walking to excuse himself out of Daniel’s apartment when a hand grabs his wrist, stopping him in his tracks.

“I just need to feel needed tonight.” Daniel’s looking up at him and smiling, albeit with his eyes red and brimming with tears, though he’s blinking profusely to clear them up. “Can’t you stay over? Please?”

It takes a few moments, but Sungwoon finally sighs and nods, wiping the tears off Daniel’s eyes with his thumbs and holds his head to press a chaste kiss on his lips, before Daniel’s grabbing his waist to push him down on the sofa, pinning him and pressing down deep as he kisses the plump lips of Sungwoon’s even harder tonight, the older man feeling the desperateness more than other nights they have spent together. The hands roaming over Sungwoon’s body is harsher than normal, and he yelps at the rough jab at the bottom of his ribs. Daniel promptly apologises and places fleeting kisses on the area he previously hurt Sungwoon, and is rewarded with a reassuring caress on his head. They continue with just touching and kissing, going slow on the sex and admiring each other instead. There’s something that prompts Sungwoon to know that Daniel wouldn’t want to go straight to the sex tonight even though Daniel is especially rough, and he willingly entertains it; waits for the golden time by filling up the time with caresses and soft touches, feels the soft skin under his fingertips and lets Daniel kiss him longer than usual. When Sungwoon feels that it’s fine for them to go further, he hints it to Daniel, and Daniel nods in approval.

“Thank you,” Daniel whispers to Sungwoon, and carries the older man into his bedroom.

 

The vibrations are left uncared for, Daniel’s phone unattended on his coffee table, and Daniel misses the texts from Seongwoo that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL WELL guess whose ass gonn get beaten up ;-)
> 
> is this worth the wait? does this chapter disappoint you? i feel like i made this chapter a lil bit more angsty than the rest LMAO also apologies for any typo mistakes!  
> i hope the direction that im going for the storyflow is not too... ridiculous or anything?? XD 
> 
> and oh my god ;__; thank you everyone for the kudos the last time i saw it was less than half of the amount right now!!  
> thank you for all the comments you all left also i freaking love reading each and every one of it ;v;<333  
> (oh and the 핓클 tag at twitter is heaven)


	5. when i wake up, i'm afraid somebody else might take my place

It’s during times like these that Daniel feels that maybe, Sungwoon understands him better than Seongwoo did, even if he and Seongwoo have known each other far longer than he knows Sungwoon. Even when they have been in a relationship of 5 years, have lived together for about 3 years already, and shared countless of memories together; days, clothes, food, bodies. Or maybe, Sungwoon is just a ‘people’ kind of person: loves being in the company of others, and just particularly good at entertaining people.

Funny, he thinks to himself, how things can change almost instantly just by meeting a single person.

Daniel strains his head up to look at Sungwoon, who is still stroking his hair, both of them embracing each other after their moments together, and Daniel seeking solace in Sungwoon’s naked warmth. The older looks down at him upon Daniel’s stare, a question mark popping up above his head. He lets out a small hum in an attempt to casually ask the younger one, ‘What’s wrong?’, not wanting to force the question on him, and Daniel hums back, merely shaking his head in response and dropping his head back to Sungwoon’s chest.

Although he signalled that it was nothing wrong, he knows that Sungwoon can see through him; can see that there’s a question hanging off the tip of his tongue, wanting to just burst out of his mouth and into Sungwoon’s ears. Honestly, it’s not even Daniel’s business, nor is he in any authority to ask the question.

It’s just that… Daniel couldn’t help but be curious about it. It’s about the guy earlier, the guy from the finance department. Minhyun.

As much as Daniel tries to bury those ugly monsters invading his mind (as if he hasn’t had enough ugly traits inside himself), shoving their ways in, trying to pull and tear his sanity away, he is in a too much weak state to fight against his own demons. It keeps coming back, keeps eating away his heart until it’s settling deep down uncomfortably in his stomach, even as he’s facing Sungwoon right now and even receiving such affectionate acts from the older. He can’t help but presume things. Is Minhyun his boyfriend? Is Minhyun the guy that might take Sungwoon away when the older is tired of him? Or is Minhyun merely friends with Sungwoon – with benefits? Is it as simple as that?

It’s quite sick for him to even think about it, but earlier, he can’t help himself to imagine that in the middle of their sex, Sungwoon might moan out Minhyun’s name instead of his.

What did Sungwoon meant anyway when he spoke to Minhyun; ‘Maybe not tonight’?

Daniel tries to bury his head deeper into Sungwoon’s chest in an attempt to erase the whirling tornado in his mind, and it is then Sungwoon finally asks him, “What’s wrong?” His tone is not assertive, nor insistent; but it is firm, because Daniel can sense that if he says Nothing, Sungwoon will not take that as a final answer.

“Who is Minhyun?” Daniel finally lets it out straight, since there’s no point in being wishy-washy and beating around the bush, though he makes no effort to look at the older when he questioned.

“I told you earlier. He’s a friend of mine.”

Daniel wants to roll his eyes. He’s already not in a good mood to begin with, and the answer that Sungwoon gave him poke a little bit harder on his nerves. That’s not the answer I wanted, his mind yelled at him.

“Okay. But what’s Minhyun to you?” He quickly asks again. He brings himself up to lean his back against the headboard and now he’s the one looking down at Sungwoon.

“So, this is what’s bothering you all night?”

Daniel can see Sungwoon sneering up at him, giving him that same smirk he had seen any other day, the same smirk that the older gives him whenever Daniel’s at a point where he’s weak, a point of vulnerability.

“He’s just a friend. Friends with benefits. Nothing new, Niel.”

The way Daniel does so much as to say nothing but merely grit his teeth together prompts Sungwoon to further tease him. “Why?” He peers into Daniel’s space. “Are you jealous that I have another plaything?” When Daniel does nothing to respond to his hyung’s antics, Sungwoon starts draping his arms around the younger’s shoulder, trying to grab the attention of his by annoying him, because that is exactly what he’s good at; distracting the younger until he has no choice but to give in to him.

Instead Daniel turns his head to Sungwoon, a question ready on his lips. “Have you ever been in a proper relationship?”

Sungwoon might have thought that Daniel didn’t saw it, but he sees exactly how his mocking smile dropped into a line before he forces himself to bring up a tight smile. “Wow there, fierce boy. What’s with the amount of questions tonight?” Sungwoon chides, his hands coming to rest on Daniel’s neck, his thumbs rubbing the sides of it.

“Do you even understand the concept of love?” Daniel can feel fingers digging onto his neck after he raised it, clearly Sungwoon is not happy with how he keeps pressing on this matter, but he just couldn’t help himself. Has the older really been in only ‘beneficial’ relationships all this while? Or was this all a wall he created on himself so he won’t hurt others, or more specifically, himself?

“I don’t care,” is all Sungwoon says before he starts pecking on Daniel’s collarbone, a method to try and stop this conversation and where it’s going, but Daniel is quicker and grips Sungwoon’s wrists tight, stopping him in his acts and forcibly making the older look at him.

“You’re just afraid, aren’t you? Of all this relationship talk. Is it such a taboo to you?”

His grips become even tighter, and Sungwoon’s eyes slit into a menacing glare.

“Well, wouldn’t you want to guess?”

“Commitment. Is that what you’re afraid of?”

“Daniel. Enough.” Sungwoon finally bursts, and jerks his hand away from Daniel’s grips, and it is then he realises that he was grabbing really hard onto Sungwoon's wrists, the redness blooming on his wrist, and then slowly blushing away. Sungwoon's giving him a look he has never seen before.

He must have gotten crazy, insane maybe. It must have been all the things that occured in a day. He stills for a moment, his muddled head needing time to adjust to the number of things that had just happened at once, before he rushes in to place kisses on Sungwoon’s wrists, and then his cheeks, countless of ‘Sorry’s bubbling out his lips. He’s almost crying, though unbothered by how his eyes are brimming with tears.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel apologises again, and is pleasantly surprised when he is returned with the elder engulfing his hands with his.

“It’s fine,” Sungwoon says.

Daniel doesn’t bother asking again anymore questions, because when Sungwoon pulls him into a hug and starts doing those soothing circles on his back, he unwillingly crumbles and caves in, being lulled to sleep.

It’s always like this.

 

 

 

“Seongwoo hyung!” Jaehwan cries out when he sees the familiar figure. The said man jumps in surprise (in a quite ugly way, that is) and if he wasn’t in such a hurry, he would have laughed his ass off and actually had his phone in his hand ready to capture such comedy. He runs towards Seongwoo and smiles expectantly at him. Daniel owes him big time, man.

Truth is, he has been spying on Daniel ever since their fight in the office began.

He saw everything, from the way Daniel scowled each time he sent a threatening message to him, to how his face lighted up and his eyes sparkled like a starboy at one point before he sprinted off to somewhere – which turns out to be the restroom. It was him who eavesdropped on their secretive conversation before being forced to enter the restroom when another worker happened to be on his way inside. He barely caught the two fluffs of head entering the same cubicle together, but he knows too well that it is the two of them after all.

He hears the conversation at the lobby too, and he really have to thank his sneaky ass to be able to hide in a corner that is enough for him to catch all those words exchanged between Daniel and Sungwoon. Which means, he knows that the two of them are up to mischief, and it’s definitely not any kind of innocent act, obviously.

Well, what he can do as a friend of both parties is to at least save whatever bridge that has been burned – courtesy of Daniel that is; that stupid boy really had to go his apartment to do that hanky-panky business when he knows goddamn well that Seongwoo is coming back tonight. Or is he having too much fun that he missed the memo? Oh lord, he can’t be bothered to even know.

“Jaehwan? What– why’re you doing here?” Seongwoo asks, unable to hide his puzzled face.

“I knew you’re gonna go back here! But guess what, Daniel’s doing OT in the office so let’s go grab some drinks!” Jaehwan exclaims so excitedly that he himself knows it’s weird, but as he said earlier, he is in a hurry.

“Now?” Seongwoo questions again, and gestures towards his backpack when Jaehwan nods immediately. “I got a heavy bag with me, dude.”

“And why can’t you just text me? I can always come down after.”

Seongwoo’s scoffing as he steps towards the entrance of the apartment building, but Jaehwan does what he calls as a ‘desperate measure’ and grabs his wrist before running and dragging him along, the poor man-turned-ragdoll shrieking behind him in helplessness.

 

 

 

“Really? Drinking in your apartment?”

Seongwoo’s side-glancing Jaehwan, the poor guy trying his best not to look nervous or out-of-place while pouring drinks for the both of them.

“Why not?” Jaehwan asks in defence. He shoves the glass into Seongwoo’s face and ignores the ‘tsk’ that came out of his mouth. Whatever, as long as I do my job well today.

Okay wait, why is he doing the job for Daniel again? It frustrates him that he has better sense than his friend.

“I mean, there’s the comfort of my bed that you can sleep in whenever you feel like it, there’s also free toilet, and well, there’s me–”

“Right. Okay, Jaehwan. Noted with thanks.” Seongwoo rolls his eyes in annoyance but Jaehwan knows it’s all under a pretence, seeing how the corners of his lips are curling up.

They continued silently pouring themselves drinks, one of them thinking of whether he should speak up, and the other thinking when would be the right time to speak up. It’s kind of stifling. It’s as if they are on a seesaw, both trying to reach an equilibrium, but just ending up either on the lighter or the heavier side. Seongwoo can see Jaehwan’s mouth opening and closing, his frame leaning up to him as if he’s debating within himself whether he should talk or not.

To say Seongwoo is clueless is nonsense. As much as he tries to reassure himself that it can’t be anymore more than just his own troubled mind, things can get obvious without them realising. Anyone can figure out the tell-tale signs of someone cheating, or even the simple act of flirting with someone behind their back. Days when Daniel takes longer to reach home, when his clothes reek of a certain scent different from the usual ones he had smelled before, when his eyes are glassy and distant – as if he wants to go back to where he was previously so much, so much that he’s dismissing the lover in front of him.

Seongwoo sighs and puts down his glass. “I know you’re worried.”

Jaehwan jerks his head up like a deer caught in the headlights, and drops his head into his hands. “It’s that obvious, is it?” He ruffles his hair together in guilt. What a fool, he can neither control his mouth nor his face.

“It’s okay, Jaehwan. I can handle this.”

“What do you mean you can handle this?” Jaehwan frowns.

“Do you think all this happened because of me?” Seongwoo sighs again and hangs his head low. “Was it all my fault in the beginning?”

“Was I the one who caused him to be like this?”

Jaehwan keeps silent. Even as a third person, who may give better advices and opinions than the two gone-cases, he’s still as clueless as a casual passer-by. He admits to himself that Seongwoo did some wrong by not controlling himself better, but is it not wrong of Daniel too to just lunge himself at another man? But at the same time, he has absolutely no idea what happens behind closed doors, so once again, he is in no position to say anything. Jaehwan wants to throw his head to the table.

Seongwoo speaks no further, and the both of them are lulled to sleep in their drunken state with the music from the radio playing in the background.

 

 

 

Seongwoo wakes up with a jolt.

His instinct is to immediately hold his head, slowly being swamped by the incoming hangover. Unsurprisingly, it’s already dawn. He looks over at his friend sprawled on the floor like a starfish and snoring. Jaehwan being Jaehwan. He always sleeps like a baby.

But unlike the peaceful state his friend is in, his mind is in an absolute opposite.

He dreamt of Daniel.

He dreamt that Daniel is holding someone, someone other than him, and his face shows everything related to happiness. He’s in bliss. As if nothing in this world could bother him. And that’s the thing – that’s the thing that’s bothering Seongwoo. He’s happy, delighted, but his happiness doesn’t include Seongwoo in it. The person held is different, so, so different. Seongwoo feels like puking.

Was this what Daniel has been feeling all this while?

Was Seongwoo foolish enough to think that Daniel would be with him regardless? Or has Daniel given up on him the moment he started letting out his inner ugly traits, but chose to stay just for courtesy?

His headache worsens, and the bile in him threatens to escape his throat anytime soon, but all he does is grab his bag and leaves the apartment.

 

 

 

“I’m home,” Seongwoo announces as he takes off his shoes. The throbbing pain still won’t go away, even after he has chugged down a whole litre of water down his system before arriving, but he guesses as long as it doesn’t hinder him that much, it’s kind of okay. What matters is that he can speak to Daniel. His shoes are then deposited into the small cupboard situated at the entrance of his apartment, and the extra shoe was left unnoticed by him.

A lot of things crossed by Seongwoo’s mind before he came back. He knows he needs to do his best to mend the relationship between him and Daniel before it goes uncontrollable, but how exactly so? How he should approach this matter? Does he go to the topic straight to point, or should he wait until it’s night later then he can bring up the matter? And is it even a good idea to bring it up? After all, Daniel has never confronted on him about his previous bad habits, not even so as to hint it to him. He wonders if Daniel is just being considerate as his lover or he just doesn’t seem to care about it anymore.

He catches a strange whiff of smell as he walks across the living room to get to their kitchen, though it’s all being pushed to the back of his mind what with how he’s stressing himself about talking to Daniel. He briefly registers the few cans of beer on the coffee table, and thought it must have been that. Though it’s not the usual smell of beer that Daniel drinks.

Seongwoo opens the fridge and chugs down a glass of iced water. At this rate he’s going to run to the washroom very soon, but he just can’t stop his coping mechanism. He hears the bedroom door opening. That’s kind of odd, Daniel rarely wakes up this early on a Saturday.

He turns around and sees not Daniel, but a very familiar face.

Who is it again? The name is hanging around his lips, he knows his name is very similar to him.

Ah yes, Sungwoon.

But what is he doing coming out from their bedroom in this Saturday morning, and buttoning his shirt up? He must have looked very confused, because he can see the man opposite him looking at him amusingly. It isn’t until Sungwoon greets him a “Good morning” as he takes out a pair of shoes from the small cupboard and exits the apartment that the screws in his head started to move.

What in the actual fuck.

He had just witnessed Daniel cheating on him face front. And to think he had actually sincerely thought Sungwoon was just a really good friend of Daniel’s. To think Daniel had so much as to lie straight to his face, nonchalantly so. To think the things Daniel should have been doing somewhere else if he even had the slightest conscience, happened right in his apartment.

His hands are trembling, not out of fear or any other emotions, but purely out of anger. He nearly loses his footing as he approaches their bedroom. Scratch that, it’s his bedroom.

The door is left ajar and he sees some clothes on the bed, but none of the man he’s looking for.

“Sung–”

Seongwoo turns to his right and there he is, wrapped only in his towel around his waist, chiseled body on display and all, standing by the bathroom door. Daniel looks stunned, and Seongwoo feels like laughing. Of course he looks stunned. After so obviously spending the night with his secret lover in their shared apartment, the least he could do was to be stunned. What’s worse is that they must have been having so much fun, Daniel didn’t even realise the messages he had left for him yesterday night.

“Sung what? Sungwoon hyung where did you go? Seongwoo hyung I didn’t expect for you to return?”

Daniel says nothing but merely reaches for his shirt, and loops them on.

“Was it fun?” Seongwoo laughs, flabbergasted at how nonchalant Daniel is being. “Was it fun to do it with your Sungwoon hyung? Not even at some love hotel but here, on this bed?” Daniel’s still wearing his jeans, buttoning them up as Seongwoo speaks. He feels his whole being shaking with anger, and the throbbing pain eating him alive.

“To think I actually thought of mending us up together.” He snorts. “Jaehwan’s effort went futile.”

Daniel still remains silent, and Seongwoo, muddled with the pain coming from his headache, drags him out to the living room, his nails digging deep into Daniel’s skin, but the man showed no sign of being hurt. Not even a cringe. Seongwoo promptly releases his tight grip then.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” He shouts in frustration, seeing how Daniel is not doing anything, not even saying a word after being caught red-handed, after all that he has been saying to him.

“I’m sorry. That’s all I can say.” Daniel finally speaks.

“Sorry? You don’t look like you are sorry?”

Daniel sighs. “I’m tired, Seongwoo hyung. I’m just... tired.”

“What are you even tired about?” It seems like the younger man is in a whole other dimension, as if he’s not registering the anger that’s radiating off Seongwoo. Of all the people that should be tired, it should be him, not the one who’s looking like he did nothing wrong.

It was then everything seemed to click.

It takes a few moments of Seongwoo staring at Daniel, and the younger keeping his gaze fixed on the ground, that Seongwoo finally spoke it out.

“I know you’re waiting for me to say it.”

Seongwoo feels the urge to thrash everything to the ground.

“Fine, I’ll say it. We’re done.”

“I wonder how long you were going to keep it from me. You’re disgusting,” Seongwoo spits out to him.

He gives Daniel one last look, before he walks off to the bedroom, and slams the door after him.

 

 

 

Well.

Daniel leaves the apartment with no more than his wallet and phone, no ounce of hesitation running through him at all.

It’s true. He’s disgusting, he’s worthless. He’s a cheater. But somehow this feels better than those nights he slammed his fist in frustration; wondering if he wasn’t enough for Seongwoo.

He hears photo frames thrown to the floor, brittle glass scattering, but never once did he turn back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can i know why my notes that i wrote in the first chapter ends up in every chapter? HAHHA


	6. it hurts but i won't fight you, 'cause you suck anyway

Daniel finds himself knocking on Sungwoon’s apartment door.

Wait. How did he end up here? He’s not too sure himself.

A while ago he was roaming aimlessly around the mall near Seongwoo’s apartment after being caught.

Honestly, yes, he was genuinely surprised to see Seongwoo there, when he was just about to ask for Sungwoon (which he didn’t realise the older man had actually left earlier, and probably bumped into Seongwoo). He was so surprised that he couldn’t get it in himself to even open his mouth, nor say anything – not that he’s going to defend himself or anything, since he’s been dragging this ‘relationship’ for far too long already. Half of his mind is saying he should have been much nicer, tell him that he no longer loves Seongwoo instead of being caught in such an ugly state; but another half of him is just as what he said earlier on. He’s tired, and he just couldn’t be bothered anymore.

Anyway, being in a mall on a Saturday, there’s a whole new level of crowd, and Daniel feels like he sticks out among them. Like a sore thumb. Everyone’s so busy, either with their own errands, or with their friends, families, lovers. It seems like he’s the only one walking at his own pace. His stomach grumbles at the absence of food since morning, now that it’s reaching almost late afternoon, but nothing seems to be appetising.

And then suddenly, he’s in front of Sungwoon’s apartment.

Strange. His apartment is not even near to Seongwoo’s nor the mall, but he managed to get there.

Was it his instinct leading him to Sungwoon’s apartment? Or was he blinded by his own emotions? Lately he finds himself asking so many questions.

Regardless, Sungwoon opens the door almost a second later, and Daniel lunges himself right into his arms.

“Back again?” The older questions. “Didn’t your boyfriend return earlier in the morning?”

“Yeah,” Daniel merely says, not bothering to say anything more. So Sungwoon did bump into Seongwoo earlier in the morning. He knows Sungwoon isn’t that interested to know more anyway, just asking for the sake of entertainment and flowing through the conversation. He drags the both of them inside, closes the door after him.

“We broke up.”

But sometimes, you just feel like saying the things out. He’s very much aware of how Sungwoon pretty much have no interest in knowing the details, but for him, it’s more of like, a reassurance on his side. Who can he talk about this except with Sungwoon? He can see the way Sungwoon retreats his hand from gripping on his arm for a mere second, then promptly smoothing his palm over Daniel’s arms.

“Hmm. That’s fast. I guess it took one caught in the act for things to finally break down, huh?”

Daniel shrugs. “I guess I’ve been wanting to do it for a long time already. Just couldn’t find the right time.”

“But isn’t it for the better?” Daniel asks a second later. “I mean, we both won’t have to run away from others.”

Sungwoon merely hums, and Daniel misses the change in atmosphere.

“Like, now, we can go out together, right? We don’t have to just stay inside this apartment.”

"But that's only what lovers do, Daniel. Stop dreaming.” Sungwoon laughs and moves to go to the kitchen, but is held back by the younger man’s grip on his wrist.

“Hyung, you know that I actually... like you, right?” Since everything has gone downhill anyway, he might as well drop the bomb, even though it might not be really a bomb since he has always worn his heart on his sleeves with the older.

“Of course I know, it’s obvious. But I told you already. We’re never going to be a thing.” Sungwoon keeps shifting from one side to another, clearly showing discomfort in how Daniel keeps going back to this topic.

“But... we can try?” Daniel says in wistful hope. “It’s no obligation for you to think of us as lovers...”

“Huh?” Sungwoon chortles. “So, what? This is going to be you and Seongwoo part two?”

“Why are you always so opposed to stuffs about love?” Daniel asks, clearly unhappy with how Sungwoon is responding.

“I mean, I really like you, Sungwoon hyung, and I want–”

Sungwoon can’t stand it anymore, and shoves Daniel’s hand away from him, cutting him short of his words.

“Honestly, I really hate all these ‘like’ and ‘love’ talk. Because in the end, after all these cheesy I love you’s, people are just going to leave anyway. How many times have you said you love that Seongwoo of yours, but in the end, you come back running to me?”

Daniel’s eyes change. “So, you’re saying love is just a joke to you, right? So, all of this has been a joke for you, huh?”

“Didn’t we talk about this yesterday night? Yes, yes,” Sungwoon grunts out the second yes. “Everything has been a play. A joke– whatever you call it. How is it that you never get it? You should know it when you’re the one cheating on your boyfriend.”

Daniel tightens his jaw. “What if I tell you he’s the one who’s the cause behind this mess? What if I tell you I cheated because of him?”

“What do you even know about what happened between me and Seongwoo?”

Sungwoon pauses. He sees the way Daniel’s trembling, sees the way his hands shake and his eyes are watering. He’s crying again.

“And why are you telling me all of this?”

Daniel can only lower his gaze to the floor.

Sungwoon heaves a deep sigh. “So how are you different from Seongwoo then, Daniel? How are you any different from him? Regardless of whatever that has happened between the two of you.”

His sudden question clearly caused a reaction in the younger, seeing by how his hands balling into a fist.

“You’re telling me you’re cheating with me because of him, because of whatever reason he caused you to cheat on him, but how are you any better when you’re the one who cheated – and not him?”

The accused man says nothing. Daniel’s gaze is fixed somewhere, unbeknownst to Sungwoon, and there seems to be a thousand things flashing through his mind right then.

“And then here you are, talking to me about love?” Sungwoon mocks again.

Daniel finally bursts.

“Because I trust you, Sungwoon hyung. I trust you–!”

“I trust you,” He reiterates. “I’m telling you all this because I trust you. That’s what I do when I like someone.”

There. He said it.

Daniel drops to the sofa and the tears welling up just started flowing out without him realising. He can’t help it – no, he can’t control it anymore. Whatever emotions kept deep inside the dark dungeon in him, has all ran out. There it is, he’s reached the end of the game. Though everything feels like a contradiction. Reaching the end of any game has always been a happy thing for him, but he’s everything but happy. He’s trembling so hard, and he feels like he can hardly breathe, until he feels Sungwoon’s hands on his face.

“I’m sorry, Daniel. You should know it from the start. I have never been one to be trusted in.”

Sungwoon’s on his knees in front of him, thumbing his tears away in such an act of endearment, but his mouth spouted such words akin to splashing cold water to his face. Daniel laughs in bitterness. How cruel.

Has Sungwoon always been like this, to everyone he has been involved with? Has he always treated them like fragile glass, but speaks to them like he himself is the sharp glass that cuts?

It’s kind of funny, how this sofa witnessed the very beginning of their mischievous acts, but is also the exact place where everything’s tearing apart.

He does nothing to Sungwoon’s acts, does nothing to even respond to what Sungwoon spoke to him earlier; only does so much as to pathetically let himself be wrapped in a warm embrace that strangely feels cold at the edges.

It’s always like this.

But Daniel’s afraid – because this might be last time.

 

 

 

 

It is the last time.

Whatever that happened between Sungwoon and Daniel yesterday, it was for the last and for his best. Oddly, Sungwoon treats him gentler than other days, as if he knows that Daniel was planning for his leave. When Daniel traces his fingers over Sungwoon’s skin, tries to remember the touch, lingers longer when they’re kissing, Sungwoon says nothing, doesn’t whine nor complain like he would always use to, and instead lets the time run longer between them. It’s pretty sad that he notices all of this, actually.

If Daniel hadn’t had his own conscience, he would have been still holding on to that last strand of hope Sungwoon’s providing him with. But he knows, he truly knows, that all of those are just false hopes and dreams. When he thinks back to himself, he guesses this must have been how Seongwoo had felt during that morning, that morning where he came back to try and talk things out, just to see whatever he had wanted to mend can’t be mended anymore.

Again; false hopes, false dreams, crushed reality.

But how ever he viewed it, nothing can be salvaged. Between him and Seongwoo. Between him and Sungwoon. Things stretched too far for him to even start back from the beginning, even if he wanted to. Kind of weird for him to say he wants to start again with Sungwoon, considering how the man had done so much as to reject him straight to the face, but as cliché as it sounds, he guesses the heart wants what it truly wants.

It’s been a while, but he’s the one who leaves Sungwoon’s apartment first. He used to be the one whining in bed, always trying to drag the older back in bed while Sungwoon’s yelling that he’s sticky and disgusting, but this morning it’s him who washes up first, and exits the room with a last glance at Sungwoon’s sleeping figure.

“Thank you for everything,” He whispers to Sungwoon before he leaves, not caring whether he hears it or not, because at this point, nothing really matters anymore. He knows Sungwoon hates sappy stuffs, but it’s ironic that he himself always brings out the romantic side of Daniel.

He said nothing more, because it’s already a clear indication that it is over between him and Sungwoon – whatever relationship it was between them. He knows he’s the one who’s stretching it far beyond the boundary he’s supposed to keep it within, so he can’t burden the older any further with his weights. Sungwoon was considerate enough to say it in such words that hit him straight right to his face, but not piercing enough to aim his already hampered heart.

Daniel wonders, as he clears his last tiny bits of his traces in Sungwoon’s apartment away, whether things would have been different if he and Sungwoon were normal lovers, if they had met after Daniel faces his fear and broken off with Seongwoo earlier. Would it be less complicated? Or would it be the same old tunnel again – the tunnel he experienced with Seongwoo, where he had to deal with the feelings of being a lonely second lead, even when he’s the supposed main lead?

He steps out of the apartment with his thumb clicking the ‘Delete’ button on Sungwoon’s contact number.

 

 

 

 

It’s a gloomy day for Daniel today.

After accepting the fact that he has to realise that everything has gone haywire, the day then revolves around him travelling back to Seongwoo’s apartment, having already called to inform the man on his visit to take back all his belongings. In a way, he was thankful that Seongwoo had specifically chosen his own apartment to be their shared apartment. If Daniel were to so much as to insist that he doesn’t want to impose on the older and just live seperately before registering their marriage, imagine all the things that would have happened there unbeknownst to him. Ah, Daniel backtracks, he shouldn’t be saying all this when he’s the one who cheated first.

Seongwoo was kind enough to keep the password the same. Now that he thinks back, the thrill of spending the night with Sungwoon at Seongwoo’s apartment is truly exhilarating, but he just proved to himself what a jerk he is.

There’s a lot of nostalgia hanging around in Seongwoo’s apartment, from their shared bed, to the occasional times where they would throw a random “sleepover party” with all the fluffy blankets now stuffed at the corner of the cupboard, but strangely... there’s no sense of regret or any emotions inside of him. Not like how it used to.

 

 

 

 

Monday comes, and Daniel finds out Sungwoon has been transferred to a whole new other department, a building far away from his own. Apparently, the post he was initially transferred to was just a back-up for him, just to fill in the hole while waiting for another employee to come in. What a nice timing. It’s as if someone knows how much things have changed within a day.

Jaehwan avoids him totally, but that’s understandable. He’ll hear from him soon enough because Jaehwan isn’t the type to just cut off contact so shortly. Things goes on normally in the office though, and that’s one thing he’s thankful for.

When Daniel returns back home, it’s emptier than ever. No Seongwoo, no Sungwoon. Just him and his own company. He unlocks his phone, accidentally presses the photo folder and coincidentally, the first thing he sees is the image of a blurry picture of delivered jjajangmyeon next to a burnt jjajangmyeon. He immediately bursts out laughing.

He can’t believe he and Sungwoon did something so domestic within their period of time. What had happened was that they randomly decided to cook themselves a meal – well actually, it’s more of Sungwoon who forced on having a homecooked meal, but in the end, he himself was the one who burnt the food. Which resulted into Daniel laughing and chortling like mad while trying to take a picture for memories’ sake, with the elder pouting behind him.

Nice memories indeed.

Maybe he’ll cross roads with Sungwoon again. Maybe he may never even hear Sungwoon’s name again. He can never know. But what he does know is that whatever is done, has been done, and only the best can be wished for the both of them.

Morning comes again, and Daniel heads out for work again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i make daniel enough of a jerk hehe he really is 25% in denial and 75% no guilt he really only thinks about sungwoon hyung until the end lol
> 
> also if you're reading this now im posting an epilogue in a few hrs time WOOT


	7. epilogue (if you don’t have the answers now, into you just let me dive)

“Oh? Daniel?”

Daniel stops in his track. It’s a familiar voice.

“Kang Daniel!”

Takes a cautious turn to his right, where the voice came from, and there he is.

Sungwoon hyung.

‘Huh?’ Was the first thing that popped up in Daniel’s head. There Sungwoon was, sitting at the corner of the café alone, and waving up at him. Daniel had actually randomly entered this café to relief his liver of the crazy amount of alcoholic drinks his colleagues had been offering him (just because he could hold his alcohol the most out of everyone), in hopes of trying to wash the liquor off with some sweet drink or any drink that doesn’t involve the word ‘alcohol’. And all of a sudden, he’s met with the guy he almost forgot about.

Let’s rewind a few months back.

Work has been a bitch ever since the whole fiasco happened; week-by-week Daniel kept being swamped by continuous workload, since it’s nearing the end of the year and there’s a lot of targets needed to be met, so it’s expected of them to have to grind even harder then. It’s a good and a bad thing; good that he has something to keep his mind off what had happened, bad because he barely had time for himself. It became worse when his department head just so happened to finally see the potential in him, and gave him a massive workload to handle – not just one big project under his hand, but a whole three.

At one side, he’s thankful of the opportunity that has been given to him, the opportunity letting him to fill up his portfolio even thicker, but at the other end, one can only handle so much. He tried his best to grit his way through, and fortunately, his colleagues cooperate well with him, even Jaehwan. Talking about Jaehwan, the guy finally spoke with him again like normal after a few weeks, all these while maintaining a strictly business only conversation with him. But as he said and had expected, he’s back to the old Jaehwan he knows, just that both of them are always cautious on the topic of relationship. It’ll take some time, but it’s understandable.

And so after a grueling four months of working simultaneously on three projects, things ended with a good note – well actually, it ended with a blast, because their boss was so satisfied with the outcome that he decided to reward them all with huge lump of bonus pay.

Which goes forward to this company dinner they planned for on a Friday night, at the barbeque restaurant a few blocks away from their office.

Jaehwan’s again with his drinking game, though he’s always cheating but no one actually bothered to sound it out because he’s Jaehwan after all, and with his loose mouth informing everyone of Daniel’s amazing alcohol tolerance, the poor man is now being forced all sorts of drinks down his throat. Yes, Daniel likes drinking – really loves it, honestly, but with the pace everyone’s demanding him, he’s getting sick of it as he picks up yet another glass of some weird concoction.

At last, Daniel excuses himself from the party, ignoring the protests coming from his other colleagues, and leaves the suffocating restaurant.

He didn’t think much as he strolls aimlessly around the streets, didn’t even think about what could possibly happen when he skips the first café and decides to enter the one beside it instead; his mind only focusing on wanting a nice sweet drink to takeaway and maybe take a taxi back home after.

So when he sees the familiar glint of the eyes shining back at him, he wonders, is this really a mere coincidence?

“Oh, Sungwoon hyung...!” His heart is racing as he walks towards the said man. He’s not sure if the alcohol’s part of the reason behind his rapid heartrate. He hasn’t seen the man in so long; there’s so many things running through his mind right now. His smile is shaky, and he thinks Sungwoon might notice it.

As he gets closer, he sees the way Sungwoon takes a whiff and crunches his nose.

“Whew, strong. Were you drinking a lot before this?” Sungwoon asks, smiling up at him.

Daniel nods in reply, albeit shyly, and takes a seat in front of the older when gestured to do so. Now that they’re eye to eye, it feels kind of weird, for some reason.

“Sorry,” He apologises. “They were all forcing different kinds of drinks down my throat.”

Sungwoon shakes his head. “It’s okay. I know you’re how much of a closet alcoholic you are, anyway.” He chuckles. “What was that? A company dinner?”

“Yeah,” Daniel replies. “We just finished some huge projects so... it’s a reward party for all of us.”

Sungwoon hums. “Great. Wish I could continue joining all of you for future company dinners, but alas.”

Things goes quiet between the two of them, Sungwoon taking a sip of his tea, while Daniel’s peering at the menu board, trying to make up a decision on what drink he should buy.

And then, Sungwoon drops the question.

“How’s life, Daniel?”

The intermission between their previous conversation to this question is so sudden. Sudden like being hit with a gush of strong wind, taking him aback without any warning. It takes a while for Daniel to answer, because all that’s on the tip of his tongue are words he’s biting himself from saying.

‘Different without you.’

How is it that he’s always bringing out this... this whatever annoying emotion inside him? Goodness, Sungwoon, really. If only he could say those cheesy words to him.

Instead he heaves out an exasperated sigh in dramatizing his exhaustion. “Well, I had a lot of work to do... so that’s one thing about me looking like a zombie right now.”

Sungwoon immediately cackles at Daniel, and calm waves wash over him, feeling relieved.

“I was gonna comment on those heavy eye-bags of yours, but I felt pitiful for you.”

The conversation then continues on a lighter note, and Daniel takes it upon himself to enjoy the moment.

 

 

 

“Sungwoon hyung, you can be honest with me. Minhyun is your boyfriend, right?”

In the span of ten minutes or so their conversations have ranged from Seongwoo, to how Daniel got dumped (in a way, well, because Daniel kind of forced it on Seongwoo), to the frustrating yet adorable dumb and dumber duo interns in Sungwoon’s new department. They’re talking like they’ve been friends for a decade or so with how smoothly their conversations are flowing, and that’s when something popped up in Daniel’s head, a question he has been wanting to ask – dying to ask, if he were to be dramatic.

Sungwoon pauses, frozen.

And then he laughed maniacally.

“You’re still bent on that question?” He’s laughing between words, so hard that people around them are turning heads to see what has happened.

“I mean? It’s so suspicious that day between you and him?” Daniel didn’t mean to be such a busybody, but it’s the only time he can talk about this with him. Sungwoon’s still laughing at him, those annoying cute little crescents hanging above his cheeks.

“Thinking back, the way you showed your green horns to me that day is still amusing to me. Phenomenal.”

“My jealousy is amusement to you?” Daniel scoffs and crosses his arms. “What a jerk.”

“But really,” Sungwoon says in defense, leaning forward to grab Daniel’s arm, and Daniel had to suppress himself because somehow, it still stings. Almost six months in and he’s still not over him.

“Really,” He reiterates. “Minhyun is merely a friend. He has someone he truly likes already. I’m just there for him when he needs someone, and well, we’re just having fun anyway. He’s– he’s kind of like you in a sense.”

Daniel’s quick to reply. “But I don’t do it with you for fun.”

Sungwoon pauses. “Okay. Correction: it was fun and games for you in the beginning. Anyway.” He senses the similar change of air that has happened before – Daniel’s already sulking like a spoiled child, but nonetheless he continues talking. “You know, Daniel, you kind of remind me of my ex-boyfriend.”

“Huh? How so?” Daniel frowns, before he squints his eyes teasingly. “Wait, you once had a boyfriend?”

The older rolls his eyes. Daniel sure knows how to mock him especially when he’s sulky. “You,” He goes back to the first question. “You wore your heart on your sleeves like him. His eyes mirrored every emotion of his. It doesn’t take much for me to know that he’s thinking of someone else, even in front of me.”

Daniel visibly backs down, and Sungwoon leans back on his chair. He knows he has never spoken of his past lovers before with Daniel, but maybe he deserves to know at least tiny bit of a back-story of one of them.

Daniel’s and Seongwoo’s relationship is a repeated history of Sungwoon’s past relationship. He used to think that he could hold on to even the last tiny piece of hope until the end, very similar to how Seongwoo had probably initially had tried for too. How coincidental; their names are even similar. Sungwoon couldn’t forget how Seongwoo looked that morning, because it’s a mirror of his on a particularly rainy day one time ago. Honestly, he isn’t sure if that relationship is the trigger to everything, because he didn’t remember crying, nor feeling extremely broken when he had officialise their breakup; having caught them red-handed on their hanky-panky business. Maybe he was already numb. Maybe that was how the thrill of seeing people caught came about. Was it fun? Was it exciting? Was it an utter shock for them? He likes seeing the look of guilt plastered on their faces, because who do they think they are to continue keeping disgusting secrets off him? It’s kind of sadistic of him in that sense.

Maybe, the built-up of past events caused him to throw everything away. Sometimes people change, and they themselves never realised when the exact change was, how did it came about. It was like that for Sungwoon. Suddenly things changed, and he couldn’t view ‘like’ and ‘love’ the same way again. It was one of his past lover who kept reassuring him that he likes him, he loves him, you are my everything. That fucker. Because of him he throws up whenever he hears ‘love’. It’s definitely getting better these days, though.

“Though at least you knew you were at wrong – kinda at first,” He continues. “Still got some conscience behind that lusty mind of yours. He’s got none of those.”

Daniel keeps silent at Sungwoon’s remark.

“I know you like me way before you even told me that night,” Sungwoon mentions slowly, observing how the younger is squirming in his seat. “Like seriously, you keep being so obvious, Daniel.”

The younger merely hangs his head low. “I know,” He mumbles.

Sungwoon sighs. “Anyways, sorry for that day. I believe you needed a break.”

Daniel does nothing but raise his head and stare at the older. ‘He must be cursing me inside his head right now,’ Sungwoon thinks to himself.

“So... if I were to ask you out right now, would you accept me?”

“Huh?” Daniel’s abrupt question caught Sungwoon off-guard that he’s puzzled.

“You said I needed a break. The break is over, I suppose?”

Sungwoon titters. “You’re still on that topic?”

Daniel laughs along with him. The way his eyes crinkle in sheer delight is one thing, but his eyes are telling a whole other story. “I mean,” He starts reasoning. “You don’t have anything to lose, Sungwoon hyung. If anything, it would be me.”

Sometimes the things Daniel says startles Sungwoon. “And you’re willing to sacrifice that just for me?” He asks, dumbfounded. “Experience the feeling of pain again when you fully know you can avoid it?”

The younger doesn’t seem too bothered by whatever that has been laid out to him, merely nodding in acceptance. “Yeah.” He hums.

“Is it because you couldn’t get me, so you’re not giving up until you finally get me and then you’ll just throw me away?” Sungwoon squints his eyes at him.

The accused man immediately jumps, waving his hands around in defense. “No, no, no,” He argues. “Who is teaching you these kinds of stuffs?” He huffs out, shaking his head in disagreement. “Hyung, if I thought of you only as low as that, I wouldn’t even want to see your face. Remember how you oh-so-painfully rejected me that night?”

Sungwoon doesn’t get it. “Then why are you so bent on wanting to be with me?”

“I told you.” Daniel lays out his heart on the table. “I like you.”

It takes a while for Sungwoon to grasp the whole situation, but he finally breaks the short silence with a question. “Daniel, do you know that you’re being selfish?”

“Yeah,” Daniel instantly laughs, almost expecting it. “I know.”

With how the older is responding, Daniel is ready to say his farewell to Sungwoon, probably a one long hug with him before he totally cuts the man off (well, what’s the use of hanging around him anyway? He’s only hurting himself) and accepts the outcome. He knows how this will eventually end. It’s not like he hasn’t been expecting this. But to actually witness it upfront? It stings. He instinctively grabs his sling bag.

“Okay,” Sungwoon says suddenly.

Daniel halts, clutches his bag harder.

Sungwoon notices the tense face Daniel’s wearing now, and repeats himself, smiling at him. “I guess it’s an okay from me.”

“What?” Daniel instinctively asks. What is happening? He turns to a corner, flustered. Shakes his head in an attempt to keep his mind together, and turns back to the older.

“Really?” He was so ready to sprint off earlier, but right now his whole body feels so heavy. “Really?” He asks again when Sungwoon does so much as to keep smiling at him. He couldn’t believe his ears, and he couldn’t stop his stupid ass from peering into his space like an idiot.

Sungwoon shrugs. “Yeah, you said I don’t have anything to lose.”

The younger throws his bag aside, abruptly extending his hand out for Sungwoon with the older just looking at him confused. “Welcome to the lover’s club, exclusively and singularly owned by Kang Daniel.” He forcefully grabs Sungwoon’s hand. “Invitation extended only to Mr. Ha Sungwoon.” Sometimes when you’re too blinded by your own happiness, you do stupid stuffs, just like what Daniel just did.

“What the–” Sungwoon snorts. As usual, Daniel’s childishness never changed. “I would like to decline this invitation.”

“Unfortunately, you can’t,” Daniel singsongs, swinging their hands together.

“Don’t say I never warned you, because you can’t blame anyone for your decisions,” Sungwoon reminds him while trying to rip Daniel’s hands off his, holding his hands like some treasured item, and grinning up giddily at him.

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that,” Daniel reassures him. The older can only roll his eyes.

Sungwoon’s probably regretting his decisions right now, Daniel supposes at the back of his mind, but he can’t seem to think about anything other than his own elation. Sometimes unexpected things happen, like what’s unveiling in front of him now. It’s like a random burst of fireworks into the sky. It’s surprising, frightening to some, but most importantly, beautiful; wonderful. It’s odd to even grasp around the idea of them being together again, but well, it kind of works out in the end anyway, right?

 

 

 

“Breakfast together tomorrow?” Daniel suggests. He likes that they’re still holding hands even when they’re heading out of the café.

“You don’t want to spend the night together with me again?” Sungwoon mocks him, but Daniel only laughs heartily at him, shaking his head.

“Let’s start from the beginning,” He says instead. “I’ll send you home now.”

Sungwoon stops in his tracks. Why is he plunging himself in this situation again? He can’t seem to comprehend why, but the warmth coming from the whole being of Daniel is getting to him – giving him things he hasn’t… thought of in a very long while. He looks up, and he thinks he can see the stars in Daniel’s eyes. Cliché much?

“Okay,” He answers, and pecks him on his cheek, gripping their hands tighter.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically this epilogue is to satisfy my nielwoon heart who needs them to be together in the end 
> 
> hope the ending is not too ridiculous T___T  
> also i just remembered how i made like 1/3 of this fic back in 2014? and it was originally for suho & kai LMAOOOO (suho as daniel and kai as sungwoon damn i didn't even know kai and sungwoon were friends back then) and voila i visited my drafts in late 2017, found this and turned it into a nielwoon fic
> 
> and thank you so much for reading everyone!!! i’m sorry it took so long for me to update bc of various reasons mainly being super writer’s block
> 
> this is the first time I had so much reader involvement in my fic and im so so grateful for each and everyone of you who took the time to comment and give your feedbacks every chapter! really I cant say enough how excited I am whenever I receive the comments (although I really want to apologise on my tardiness on everything) hehe but thank you all for reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> LOOOOOORD im sorry for gradually making dan into a jerk but that's the point of this whole fic tbh sooOOooo well well just thank you for reading this huge mess lmao :)))))))))) 
> 
> update: idk how long this fic might be but im turning it into a chaptered one xD let's see who gets who or will be left with none in the end yaaaa
> 
> as usual comments and feedbacks are most appreciated!


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